Quotes About Empathy

Por qué habría de querernos el que señalamos nosotros con tembloroso dedo?

lo más arduo es renunciar a reírse en compañía, cuando uno ha encontrado con quién y ha decidido convertirse en incondicional de esa persona.

nadie hace nada convencido de que esté mal hecho, es sólo que en muchos momentos uno no puede tener en cuenta a los otros, ..., a veces uno no puede pensar más que en sí mismo u en el momento, no en lo que viene luego.

No one can experience everything first hand; in fact, no one can experience more than a few dozen things even through books and courses and other first-hand descriptions. We have to rely on other people's experiences in order to continue broadening our world - even if, once we have heard those other experiences, we want to go out and have our own, to test their descriptions in practice.

We can be fully human without being in complete control of our world.

Because when we set out to try to change someone, we are more likely to argue with and attack their story and less likely to listen. This approach increases the likelihood that they will feel defensive rather than open to learning something new. They are more likely to change if they think we understand them and if they feel heard and respected. They are more likely to change if they feel free not to.

difficult conversations do not just involve feelings, they are at their very core about feelings.

Talking successfully about feelings requires you to be scrupulous about taking the judgments, attributions, and statements of blame out of what you are saying, and putting the statement of feeling in. It is crucial to look at the actual words you are using to see whether those words really convey what you want them to. For

Learning about ourselves can be painful—sometimes brutally so—and the feedback is often delivered with a forehead-slapping lack of awareness for what makes people tick. It can feel less like a "gift of learning" and more like a colonoscopy.

we have a deep desire to feel heard, and to know that others care enough to listen.

Listening well is one of the most powerful skills you can bring to a difficult conversation.

I appreciate that. I'm feeling bad too. Let's retrace our steps and think about how this happened. I suspect we may each have contributed to the problem. From your point of view, did I do anything differently this time?

When Blame Is the Goal, Understanding Is the Casualty

It's hard to hear someone else when we are feeling unheard, even if the reason we feel unheard is that we have chosen not to share.

Delivering a difficult message is like throwing a hand grenade.

we can make a reasonable argument that engaging (well) in difficult conversations is a sign of health in a relationship.

The big three blind spots are tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language. The listener is very aware of these, the talker is not.

At work, at home, and across the backyard fence, difficult conversations are attempted or avoided every day.

Sometimes people have honest disagreements, but even so, the most useful question is not "Who's right?" but "Now that we really understand each other, what's a good way to manage this problem?

Blame Is About Judging, and Looks Backward

Asking for a raise. Ending a relationship. Giving a critical performance review. Saying no to someone in need. Confronting disrespectful or hurtful behavior. Disagreeing with the majority in a group. Apologizing. At work, at home, and across the backyard fence, difficult conversations are attempted or avoided every day.

Wherever you want to go, understanding – imagining yourself into the other person's story – has got to be your first step. Before you can figure out how to move forward, you need to understand where you are. The

She asks questions. She paraphrases what her mother says to make sure she understands it, and to make sure her mother understands that Greta understands. Greta is also listening for the feelings that might be behind what her mother is saying, and acknowledges them when she hears them.

Listening is only powerful and effective if it is authentic. Authenticity means that you are listening because you are curious and because you care, not just because you are supposed to. The issue, then, is this: Are you curious? Do you care?