Quotes from Author Unknown

Religions are like farts — yours is good but everyone else's stinks.

It's Friday night — time to be a hero and rescue some wine trapped in a bottle!

In the case of an earthquake hitting Las Vegas, be sure to go straight to the Keno Lounge — nothing ever hits there.

Egotism, n.: doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.

Old card players never die, they just shuffle away.

Video games ruined my life. (Good thing I have two more.)

This is a contour map where I may read With reverence your soul's geography— The heights, the depths, stark valleys of our need, The luminous peaks of love's bright ecstasy. The lines become more lovely with the years...

Sometimes you can make people forget the past with a present.

Girl, n. A giggle with glitter on it.

I craft so hard I sweat glitter.

Maybe the atheist cannot find God for the same reason a thief cannot find a policeman.

Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to God for a faith lift.

Most people wish to serve God — but only in an advisory capacity.

Some people talk about finding God — as if He could get lost.

When we lose God, it is not God who is lost.

If you are not as close to God as you used to be, who moved?

Don't question God, for He may reply: "If you're so anxious for answers, come up here."

Peace is not the absence of affliction, but the presence of God.

A golfer's diet: Live on greens as much as possible.

If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.

I've spent most of my life golfing — the rest I've just wasted.

Gossip is saying behind their back what you would not say to their face. Flattery is saying to their face what you would not say behind their back.

The easiest way to keep a secret is without help.

I went to the doctor complaining of pain in my foot. He told me, "Gout." I said, "But I've only just walked in!"