Quotes from John Oliver

People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on 'The Daily Show'... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.

The British press are a group of unremitting scumbags. And sometimes they use that scumbaggery to good ends, and often not.

I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!

I've said yes to everything that Jon Stewart has asked me to do. That's been a pretty good career decision, I think.

There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers.

It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa.

Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can.

Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.

I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show', I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson.

I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.

The only thing I'm nervous about is talking to guests like human beings, because all of my interviews so far have been attacking people. I have a genuine concern about sitting across from an actor whose movies I obviously haven't seen.

Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it.

There is no greater anesthetic than sport.

I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead.

Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest.

You don't really know when stand-up material is TV ready; it's just at what point you're willing to let it go and not work on it anymore. I'm not sure there is a point at which you think: 'And that is finished.'

The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked.

Americans just don't understand dry wit.

It's exciting to have a role in anything that's Claymation, just because you're always intrigued by what a clay wizard version of yourself would be.

People really have come for a dialogue when they go to a stand-up show in the U.K. They say, 'I understand that you have now finished your little comedy monologue; now I have something to say regarding what I've just heard.

As any Brit will understand, things get a little easier when you don't have to be number one any more. Really, the fall of an empire is not as bad as everyone thinks. It's like retirement. People fear retirement, but it can turn out be rather pleasant.

I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life.

Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life.

There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that.