Quotes from Pete Holmes

I think what people respond to is someone being who they actually are.

I saved my money.

When I got divorced, the first people I called were Nick Kroll and John Mulaney and T. J. Miller - all the pals.

Losing your faith is an essential part of having a three-dimensional, vivid, vibrant faith.

When it comes to being called a pronoun, sometimes I like to call other people 'me.' I go, like, 'Oh, these mes voted for Trump. This me is begging for change. This me is driving me to the airport.' I find that useful instead of going, like - because it's so pleasant to go 'you.'

I love Batman to death.

If I open a Batman book, and he doesn't look right, I can't do it. It has so much to do with the art.

Dorks are not exempt from bad behaviour.

I wanted to be a pastor. I was going to be a youth pastor. I mean, I play guitar; I like to make people laugh.

Ideally, a good pastor wants to empower a congregation to the point where they don't need him. You want everyone to leave feeling better.

I hate when pastors have a gay son and then they become pro-gay.

I knew I wanted a 'Girls'-type show about my life, but what's the big thing that happened to me? Oh, I got married when I was young.

When I look at what's happening with #MeToo, my heart breaks, basically, for everybody involved.

I remember talking to comedian Jimmy Pardo about his experience waiting to hear about his own pilot, and we both agreed on one thing: When you can't control your showbiz fate, you can at least control the amount of ice cream you're eating. And if you're like us, it was a lot.

I'm not the hugest comic book person, but I do love superheroes.

The world is so mysterious, and there's so many social interactions where I have no idea what I'm supposed to do - what's being asked of me, what's expected of me.

I'm trying to, with my stand-up and with the podcast, give people these little stupid things to give them happiness. I know that sounds lofty or like I'm starting a cult, but I kind of feel that way.

We can give space to someone's depression. We can love them; we can honor - we can just eat some noodles, we can watch some movies, whatever it is. We can just sit and not talk. That's real stuff. It's a real - I don't know if you call it a disorder, a disease, but it's happening, and we don't need to coach people through with ideologies.

I think 'everything sucks' is too often leaned upon as a comedic stance. It's a really easy and pretty weak perspective.

When my wife left me, in real life, T. J. Miller was like, 'I'm shooting a movie in Pittsburgh. I'll fly you out and get you a hotel room,' and I spent a week with him.

I am a comedian. My brain is critical - it's overthinking - but you can find ways to turn it down and realize that's not who you really are.

Why do we say 'Have a great weekend?' That's just a spell. You're just going - I have no control over your weekend. But words matter. They change our interior world. Have a great weekend.

I'm the weirdo that tells - asks - the Uber driver to please turn the radio down. I'm so polite about it, though.

I thought divorce was for people that threw plates at each other, and I'd have to be an alcoholic or having affairs. But the truth is, sometimes a very sweet, well-meaning person just doesn't do it for you, and you need to get out of there.