Quotes from Pete Holmes

I think my mom recognized that I liked people to be happy. I like people to get along. And I like to be a peacemaker. And I liked the church. So she was like, 'You should be a youth pastor.'

The idea of saying 'the handsome Pete Holmes' is preposterous.

I used to just want so badly to have afterlife insured and make sure I was going to heaven.

What people respond to is intimacy and regularity.

Good comedy can be liberating, and if I'm doing my job as a comedian, part of the joy for the audience is getting that release.

Literally, my honeymoon was driving to Chicago.

I needed to let go of the idea of a God who was mad at me for feeling how I was feeling. Now, I bask in an understanding of the divine that delights in truth and the complexities of the human experience - even when it's not very 'clean.'

Yeah, I had a talk show canceled. Okay, let's go back to the list of people who had talk shows canceled. Johnny Carson had his first talk show canceled. Jon Stewart. Letterman. Conan O'Brien, if you look at 'The Tonight Show' as a show that got canceled.

It's true that in show business, a lot of times a producer will just not ever be there, not even be aware that a show is renewed or canceled.

There's nothing you can do to increase or decrease the love that God has for you, but there are things you can do that increase or decrease your awareness of that love. That's certainly been my experience.

There are elements of comedy that can be competitive and back stab-y, but one of the underreported sides is that we love each other and help each other, kind of like a messed up extended family.

I'm a comedian. Comedians are supposed to be jaded, cynical, angry people. But I'm not: I'm a silly, silly fun boy.

I look at my faith like a room, and there was all of this furniture in there, but I had inherited most of the furniture. Then, when I got divorced, I took everything out just to see how I was going to refurnish the room, and that was a very essential step in my life. It was great.

It's hard to control the things that are going to inspire you.

Traffic: Sit there. Sit. Occasionally move your foot from the brake and crawl forward, then put it back. That's all you do for hours. It's very calming.

Every performer I talk to will, with different words, talk about the sanctity of a good standup show, how it can really feel spiritual. When everybody is laughing, fixed on the same thing, you feel like you transcend yourself.

The skill set of pastor and comedian are incredibly similar. You want to affect people. You're good at reading rooms. You're persuasive, and you're likable.

People like Bill Burr and Jim Gaffigan and Zach Galifianakis and Sarah Silverman - they were all amazing and helpful to me.

Joy is in learning to say yes to what is and to surrender into flow with what is, even when it's what you don't want.

If you have a friend with a blond mustache, he wants to touch you.

I love Jon Stewart.

My mom wanted me to be a youth pastor, and when I became a comedian, she said it was close enough.

I'm super happy to say that it's not that hard to write bad stand-up. I guess the trick is to write bad stand-up that sounds like you're trying to be good.

I really love the Frank Miller 'Year One' stuff.