Quotes from Ralphie May

In my entire life I've spent maybe three weeks with my dad under the same roof.

The overwhelming majority of my material has very little to do with my weight. It's certainly not the crux of my material.

I want to raise awareness about evils perpetuated on American citizens by other American citizens.

I've got one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel.

America thinks if you're fat, you're stupid. That's great. I want them to keep thinking that. Let them keep on thinking that because the truth is, the expectations are blown away even more when you realize what I'm saying and doing.

I'm too blunt, too matter-of-fact and not PC enough.

I mean, comics fear sue - you know, lawsuits and stuff like that, just because they don't like to do paperwork.

I've always been Ralphie, ever since I was a kid. My grandfather was Ralph. It suits me better to be Ralphie.

I grew up in a little town in Arkansas called Clarksville and it was a weird existence, you know? I grew up white trash; we had holes in our walls.

As a man in a relationship, you have a simple choice: You can be right or you can be happy.

As a man seeing someone, have a decision: You can be correct or you can be glad.

I've got a lot of charisma, plus women are forgiving and they can be charmed.

Political correctness, to me, is an enemy.

There's no getting around it - I am a politically incorrect, racially insensitive, culturally controversial comic, but at least I'm self-aware.

My audience expects me to push the limits, to be politically incorrect. I do that because for me, that's the only place where the fun is, when I get to push the boundaries and make people laugh at things that they probably didn't want to laugh at.

Consumers of comedy, they like me and that's great.

When I do jokes that maybe are seen as social commentary, I research them to the nth degree. I probably do more research than I do actual joke writing. I want to make sure what I'm saying is correct.

I'm not crooked, and I want to help people.

I got kids now... It gives you an empathetic feeling into other cultures and stuff.

I don't get much respect from the industry in general, but that's OK. I didn't get into it for respect. I got into it to make people laugh, and that's what I'm doing. That's all I give a damn about.

When I was up for the film 'Dreamcatcher,' to play the role of an overweight kid, I was told I'm too fat to play the fat guy. That's like telling a Mexican to get a tan.

As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy.

My wife is my teammate. She's my best friend. I love her.

I've had people hate me for my appearance. I think it gets me a certain level of empathy with the audience. If I was white and handsome and privileged, I probably couldn't talk about what I talk about because people wouldn't believe that I have empathy or I could be evenhanded and objective. It's strange.