Quotes from Bill Bailey

If you're going to perform, you're going to attract criticism. You can't please everyone all the time. You don't know how things are going to come out. But that's part of the fun of it, the adventure of doing any kind of art.

There is something very poignant about plastic bags. These lonely plastic bags that gradually disintegrate.

I was always part of the end-of-term review at school. We would mercilessly mock any slight weakness in the teachers.

Films and gaming are blurring together, and it makes for brilliant popcorn entertainment.

Family helps you make clearer choices about things. Your priorities become clearer. Your obligations become clearer, and that is something I welcome.

I discovered I'm 60 per cent Viking. Well, more Danish, I suppose. I'm also two-and-a-half per cent Neanderthal.

The two worst enemies of comedy are lack of sleep and not having had a decent meal.

I met Amy Winehouse a few times and she was always funny, charming and self-deprecating - just a delight to be around.

The devil's in the detail and sometimes if you're thinking too big, you can miss the detail.

At school, I was bored with the teachers, and there were moments where I felt they were singling me out.

The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.

When I was 15, I went to see the Stranglers at Bath Pavilion. I saw Jean-Jacques Burnel take off his bass and whack a skinhead over the head with it because he gave a Nazi salute. I thought: 'This is brilliant!'

My grandparents lived with us. And I remember watching 'Doctor Who' with my granddad on his new telly. These were the days before remote controls but my granddad, being quite a resourceful sort of chap, had fashioned his own remote control - which was a length of bamboo pole with a bit of cork that he'd glued on the end.

It's the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.

One of the things I do really appreciate is that my audiences tend to be a wide range of ages and backgrounds, and I ascribe that to putting in the hours.

In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we're united and enjoy life - Without unity we are victims. Stay united.

Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk. I say mother, where's the milk?"

Comedy can be quite all consuming at times, and if you're not careful you end up doing a tour, then a DVD, then another tour then a DVD. Suddenly the years have just flown by.

I love to watch birds and wildlife.

It's been Bill for so long people think my name is William, but it's not, it's Mark.

When you're a birder, you have all sorts of reference books, and you know about migratory patterns and technical stuff. Most people just look out the window, and say 'is that a pigeon?'

Comedy should be fluid. It should be both Left and Right wing.

I quite like confounding people's expectations.

In a way, I wish none of it had ever happened - Facebook, Twitter - if it had never happened the world would have just carried on serenely. It's utterly redundant and yet we all have to be involved in it somehow.