Quotes from P. J. O'Rourke

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

The idea of a news broadcast once was to find someone with information and broadcast it. The idea now is to find someone with ignorance and spread it around.

A 'farm' today means 100,000 chickens in a space the size of a Motel 6 shower stall.

African famine is not a visitation of fate. It is largely man-made, and the men who made it are largely Africans.

The First Amendment only says 'Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.' It can disrespect all it wants.

Unfortunately at this point I was interrupted by that dubiously time-saving device the telephone.

Toledo is better than exciting, it's happy. Because nothing is more conducive to unhappiness than taking yourself seriously, and taking yourself seriously is difficult when you're baseball team is the Mud Hens.

Rich people don't like to be in the military. The shoes are ugly and the uniforms itch. Rich people don't go in much for revolution or terrorism, either.

In the Soviet Union, no industry went under until they all did.

Are you a Democrat because you're a union member? Then why, after eight years of Bill Clinton, does some Chinese guy in Guangdong province have your job?

The problem with public school is not overcrowding in the classroom. The problem is not teacher unions. The problem is not underfunding or lack of computer equipment. The problem is your damn kids.

I am a great admirer of women.

Vegetables are something God invented to let women get even with their children.

There's a certain kind of behavior in the Arab world that, to me, resembles the way young men behave when there is no significant influence from women in their lives.

Women are successful in the business world because the business world was created by men. Men are babies. And women areGood With Kids.

The day was warm and clear. Kids were playing soccer in the parking lots and women were sunning their babies and having their tea all over the lawns. The scene was entirely too cheery for journalism.

Explosion of positive rights started in 1932 with the election of Roosevelt.

Horses and horsepower alike are about status and being cool.

Democrats hate stay-at-home spouses, no matter what gender or gender preference.

I look around my house, and everything except the kids and dogs was made in China. And I'm not sure about the kids. They have brown eyes and small noses.

Art Nouveau got its inspiration from nature. The Bauhaus got its inspiration from engineering.

Mistreatment of al Qaeda members and their friends and hangers-on is something I number among my moral concerns. But it's number 1,000,000,001.

Barack Obama is more irritating than the other nuisances on the Left.

Lack of romance is my real objection to writing on a computer.