Quotes from P. J. O'Rourke

Fall of the Berlin wall? Being there was fun. Nations that flaked off of the Soviet Union in southeastern Europe, Central Asia, and the Caucasus? Being there was not so fun.

Thank you, Occupy Wall Street. With your vivid example of anticapitalist squalor, I've been able to convince all three of my children to become investment bankers.

Obama, in pursuit of power, has been as greedy and irresponsible as any Wall Street tycoon in pursuit of money.

Kabul is a walled city, which sounds romantic except the walls are pre-cast reinforced concrete blast barriers, 10 feet tall and 15 feet long and moved into place with cranes. The walls are topped with sandbags, and the sandbags are topped with guard posts from which gun barrels protrude.

When you're a war correspondent, the reader is for you because the reader is saying, 'Gee, I wouldn't want to be doing that.' They're on your side.

Like it or not, I've come to appreciate soccer. Any kid can play, which fits with the inclusive agenda of progressive schools. Although the corollary to 'any kid can play' is that every kid must play because there is an iron grip to the warm hug of progressive inclusionism.

Global warming is a fact. Now it's up to liberals to make it a reality. Hence there is crucial importance in preventing powerful, greedy free market forces from getting in the way of worsening storms and rising sea levels. The Kyoto Accord is a good first step.

Ending wars is very simple if you surrender.

America gives every appearance of being a nation besotted with trashiness - divorce, illegitimacy, casual Fridays.

There are 1.3 billion people in China, and they all want a Buick.

We will win an election when all the seats in the House and Senate and the chair behind the desk in the Oval Office and the whole bench of the Supreme Court are filled with people who wish they weren't there.

You may be surprised to discover you're rich, especially if you're broke.

Man developed in Africa. He has not continued to do so there.

Wearing a hat implies that you are bald if you are a man and that your hair is dirty if you are a woman.

Neither conservatives nor humorists believe man is good. But left-wingers do.

When I became a man, I put away childish things and got more elaborate and expensive childish things from France and Japan.

Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussel sprouts never do.

It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money.

The Three Branches of Government: Money, Television, and Bullshit

It's better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money.

Microeconomics is about money you don't have, and macroeconomics is about money the government is out of.

Your money does not cause my poverty. Refusal to believe this is at the bottom of most bad economic thinking.