Quotes from P. J. O'Rourke

You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.

A politician who commends himself as 'caring' and 'sensitive' because he wants to expand the government's charitable programs is merely saying that he's willing to do good with other peoples' money.

Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.

Anything that makes your mother cry is fun

Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I'm not even sure we can draw lessons from them.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

People think the free market is a philosophy, they think that it is a creed. It is none of those things. Free market is a bathroom scale, it is a measuring tape, it's simply a measurement.

Politics is the business of getting power and privilege without possessing merit

Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.

Distracting a politician from governing is like distracting a bear from eating your baby.

There's nothing more oily and cynical in politics than telling the truth.

Daniel Patrick Moynihan is the archetypal extremely smart person who went into politics anyway instead of doing something worthwhile for his country.

God has no role to play in politics except to make sure politicians go where they belong. To hell.

I think that humor has become a principle means of communication among Americans about politics.

Space has always been confusing to politics.

The motorcycle is a device created by the team of God and Darwin to rid the world of useless young males.

Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God's infinite mercy, a last resort.

Satan probably wouldn't have talked so big if God had been his wife.

I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit on and smaller heads to think with.

The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you're rich.

Good manners consist of doing precisely what everyone thinks should be done, especially when no one knows quite what that is.

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

There's a very good reason that governments aren't supposed to compete with private-enterprise companies. Governments have monopolies on certain things, like eminent domain and deadly force.

As a result of that, and as a result of friendship, I don't think we've ever been competitive. I mean, there's probably a very good reason Hunter [S. Thompson] isn't jealous of me.