Quotes from P. J. O'Rourke

People have a right to my food, a right to my housing, and a right to my good job for my decent pay.

If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.

It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government, and I'm here to help."

Government conspiracy? They can't even deliver our mail and it's got our address on it and everything!

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.

Whenever government proposes to get involved in the regulation of trade, just be very, very careful about who's behind this proposal, what their motives are.

Government does not cause affluence. Citizens of totalitarian countries have plenty of government and nothing of anything else.

Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.

As a libertarian I believe we should have a federal government simple and circumscribed enough to be run by an average, dull, normal American. With George W. Bush we have half the equation in place.

The difference between corporations and governments is governments have a monopoly on force. It's a lot easier to vote with your feet or your wallet than it is to change a government with your vote.

We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.

Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.

Abstract anger is great for rhetorical carrying on. You can go on endlessly about the post office, but it doesn't mean you're mad at your mailman.

Michael O'Donoghue was a very close friend of mine - very encouraging with my stuff, and really a great guy - but he was a no-kidding difficult person.

You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal. Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.

On Michael Moore TV show, when he went to the home of the guy who invented the car alarm and set off all the car alarms on the block... pretty funny.

Keeping house is as unpleasant and filthy as coal mining, and the pay's a lot worse.

Imagine having journalists in your own home and not even covering the furniture with plastic sheets first.

Walt is dead. And, after a couple of hours at Epcot, you'll wish you were, too.

At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying whole wide world.

Humor is a terrific tool for explaining things, especially when what you're explaining is frightening or dull and complicated.

Humor is, by its nature, more truthful than factual.

If Disney still wants to make Epcot Center futuristic, they could do so by blowing the place up with an atom bomb.