Quotes from P. J. O'Rourke

Anything that makes your mother cry is fun.

Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.

Government isn't a good way to solve problems ... [G]overnment is concerned mostly with self-perpetuation and is subject to fantastic ideas about its own capabilities. ... [G]overnment is wasteful of the nation's resources, immune to common sense and subject to pressure from every half-organized bouquet of assholes. ... [G]overnment is distrustful of and disrespectful toward average Americans while being easily gulled by Americans with money, influence or fame.

Love is a driver, bitter and fierce if you fight and resist him, Easy-going enough once you acknowledge his power.

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.

Politicians are interested in people. Not that it is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs.

Skiing consists of wearing 3,000 worth of clothes and equipment and driving 200 miles in the snow in order to stand around at a bar and drink.

The preamble to the Constitution states We, the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquillity, provide for the common defence, promote the general welfare... It doesn't say guarantee the general welfare. And it certainly doesn't say give welfare benefits to all the people in the country who aren't doing so well even if the reason they aren't doing so well is because they're sitting on their butts in front of the TV.

The Soviet constitution guarantees everyone a job. A pretty scary idea, I'd say.

The Tenth Commandment sends a message to socialists, to egalitarians, to people obsessed with fairness, to American presidential candidates in the year 2000 - to everyone who believes that wealth should be redistributed. And that message is clear and concise: Go to Hell.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any over-large concentration of like-minded individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

These were people who believed everything about the Soviet Union was perfect, but they were bringing their own toilet paper.

To grasp the true meaning of socialism, imagine a world where everything is designed by the post office, even the sleaze.

Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen.

Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government do it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.

You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal. Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.