Quotes from P. J. O'Rourke

Hubris is one of the great renewable resources.

Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.

The idea of capitalism is not just success but also the failure that allows success to happen.

Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.

Oh, God. The Sixties are coming back. Well I've got a 12-gauge double-barreled duck gun chambered for three-inch Magnum shells. And - speaking strictly for this retired hippie and former pinko beatnik - if the Sixties head my way, they won't get past the porch steps. They will be history. Which, for chrissakes, is what they're supposed to be.

Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.

The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you're rich.

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat — in other words, turn you into an adult.

Journalists aren't supposed to praise things. It's a violation of work rules almost as serious as buying drinks with our own money or absolving the CIA of something.

We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.

Satire doesn't effect change.

Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.

Positive rights are the right to shelter, the right to education, the right to health care, the right to a living wage. These things are - these are, I would call them, more properly, political rights rather than positive rights. And they are extremely tricky, because now we are dealing with things that are zero sum.

You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.

Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.

Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God's infinite mercy, a last resort.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.

There are plenty of problems in the world, and doubtless climate change - or whatever the currently voguish phrase for it all is - certainly is one of them. But it's low on my list.