Quotes from Carlos Mencia

Some people want to live in a world much prettier than the one I depict. But it exists, and I talk about it because it exists.

I've dated many women at the same time. But I told them. I didn't keep any secrets from them.

If you've never seen me perform live, I'm a must-see. I'm very funny. I have a different perspective sometimes on a lot of what I do and the world itself, especially America.

I am an extremist.

I will make a joke about any of my family members, about me, about my wife, if I really thought that I'm doing it to be funny. If there's some darkness to it, or I think it's ill-willed or mean or not cool, then I won't do it.

I was never one of those fat-victim people. I always have to address how much weight I lost, and people always realize then how fat I was.

What I do is that I really, really try hard to make sure the things that I do comes from a pure place in my heart and my intent is a pure one.

I am frail like everyone else, and I take that into account when I talk about things.

When I was young and didn't have money, I liked gambling because winning and losing was fun for the rush of it.

Why did the 14-year old Mexican girl end up pregnant? Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.

The essence of what makes life beautiful is the fact that it can go away.

I don't need anybody, I'm successful in life enough to buy myself a f'ing sandwich.

I know that if any other comedian came up to me questioning something I did or said, it would be literally settled in a heartbeat. I love comedy. I give to comedy. I don't take from comedy.

Here's my questions to anybody when they talk about comedy. When you are with your friends, who don't judge you, what do you say? And if that's appropriate to say with your friends, why is it not appropriate anywhere else. Like, I hate those people who judge me and are hypocrites.

The really funny thing is that most all of my friends who are priests have seen me perform, and they say, 'I wish I could talk the way you do on stage. I wish I could reveal truth to my congregation the way you do.'

Ten comics can say the same joke, and I'm the one who gets called a thief.

Before I got into stand-up, I was a really quiet guy who had all these thoughts, all these things I wanted to say, but there was never anyplace for me to say them because my mom would look at me and go, 'You better not say what you're thinking. You better not.'

Here's what I know about the business I am in. It's all based on money. It's all based on ratings.

Acting is reacting. That's when acting is great - when you say something, somebody said something, they make a face, they pose, they use something physical, then you react to that, then they react to you.

When I was a kid, I was in love with one of the 'Charlie's Angels.' I told my dad, 'I'm going to marry somebody like Cheryl Ladd.' My dad said, 'You're not that good-looking, mijo. You're going to have to make a lot of money if that's what you want.' I went, 'Well, I want that, so I'm going to make money.'

I have been recording every single one of my shows since 1994. Every single joke I've ever done is on a hard drive. I can tell you when I wrote every joke I wrote. I can tell you the first time I said it, when I made it different, when I made it better.

When the comedy community turned on me, I had a lot of reflecting to do.

You can take my dirtiest, craziest joke, and I can break down in my head why there's a good, honest, honorable reason for telling it.

I was a very cocky and unlikable young comic. But I came from the hood, and that's what I learned.