Quotes from Jen Lancaster

Anything entering or exiting any orifice on your body is your choice. I don't get a say; I don't want a say. It's that simple.

We were promised a night of entertainment, which turned out to be thirty local eight-year-olds dancing the Tarantella for three hours.

Now, if there's a Hell–and my actions are predicated in anticipation of this–my version, my eternal punishment includes thirty local eight-year-olds dancing the Tarantella.

I decided to bypass parenthood. In the 1970s, only one in ten women was childfree; today the number is one in five.169 Yet when I mention my choice, I've had moms look at me like I'm defective, or a unicorn, or a defective unicorn. Keep your pity; I don't need it. I knew early on that children weren't in my plans.

kids without constantly looking over their shoulders for approval.

I never felt a biological tug looking at children. It's not that I'm missing maternal feelings, it's more like they apply only to cats and dogs, possibly small monkeys. While I'm happy for everyone who wants a family, I look at the notion of having kids the same way I look at people who get tattoos on their faces, like, "Hoo-boy, that's permanent.

My father lied, and when pressed about this fib years later, his answer was "Jennifer, I don't negotiate with ten-year-olds." Respect.

The trick to reducing my overall panic and worry about weight hasn't been about starving myself into a form that will satisfy whatever arbitrary societal norms are coming down the pipeline. The key has been finding a way to be happy with myself, regardless of what the scale says.

Women ask me all the time if I feel like I made a mistake. This is rude. Of course, the best response to this question comes from Claire Underwood in House of Cards. When asked, "Do you ever regret it, not having children?" Claire answers, "Do you ever regret having them?

Were we happier when we had only three channels? We all have the opportunity to consume solely the shows and news broadcasts that align with our views. Everything is so specialized now that we're given the ability to actively shield ourselves from anything that might challenge our set thoughts. What if we're less likely to consider opposing viewpoints because we can simply choose to isolate ourselves from them?

So while the Instagram posts and reality shows are creating increased envy and stress around food, weight, and homes, that envy and stress leads us to spend more, feel worse, and put our financial security at risk

1970s, only one in ten women was childfree; today the number is one in five.169 Yet when I mention my choice, I've had moms look at me like I'm defective, or a unicorn, or a defective unicorn. Keep your pity; I don't need it.

The internet is just one big venue for anyone to say anything to anybody—without personal consequences.

High stress causes a fight-or-flight reaction, releasing adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones can suppress immune, digestive, sleep and reproductive systems, which, if sustained, may cause them to stop working normally.

Recently, Howard Schultz, former CEO of Starbucks, came out against the term "billionaire," instead preferring to be called "a person of means," as though he's now ashamed of what he's built.

I learned to stuff my fears deep down until they form a little ball, keeping the feelings buried under liberal handfuls of cheese and glasses of moderately priced Chardonnay.

wonder if Martha Stewart's guests are greeted at the door with her sweating, crying, and shouting, 'Here's a recipe; get to work or we're never eating Thanksgiving dinner!'" I

I'd much rather have margaritas with his parents so I could tell them what a great kid they raised.

If we don't want to self-destruct as a nation, black lives and blue lives mattering can't be a binary choice.

We aren't happy by accident. This is a conscious choice, one that takes daily action.

Every time there's an incident, there's a barrage of misinformation, and suddenly some asshole from my high school who dropped out of junior college considers himself a constitutional scholar.

That's because unsolicited advice can be the match to the accelerant when all the other person needs is a hug.

Sweat began to pour off me and the contents of my stomach–soft serve ice cream, peach schnapps, and a handful of wax potpourri I'd earlier mistaken for Gummi bears–roiled in an unholy stew. The smell of poached eggs was overwhelming. Without benefit of loafers or coat, I ran outside to vomit in a snowbank. All I could think the entire time was, "Nancy Reagan was right." After that, I just said no to smoking pot, and, for quite a while, poaching eggs.

Ideally, our public opinion should be based on established facts. Would we feel less ill at ease if we allowed the whole story to unfold, waiting a beat before becoming judge, jury, and executioner? I suspect yes.