Quotes from Jeremy Clarkson

it seemed appropriate that I should develop some kind of illness. This is a good idea when you are at a loose end because everything, up to and including herpes, is better than being bored.

Recently, I spent eight days in a car with my co-host from Top Gear James May, who has a notoriously flatulent bottom. But because he was living on army rations the interior was always pine fresh and lemon zesty.

This is what should be meant by people power. The power for people to choose which of the government's petty, silly, pointless laws they want to obey. And which they don't.

Hence, once the director calls cut on a take, May will often roar, 'Get me pussy,' and Munn will appear with the furiously mewing orb of animals. This is not to be mistaken for anything else. He's not Donald Trump.

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

Let's be perfectly clear, shall we. The fox is not a little orange puppy dog with doe eyes and a waggly tail. It's a disease-ridden wolf with the morals of a psychopath and the teeth of a great white shark.

and although the W came along in the tenth century, modern Germans still seem to manage perfectly well by using a V instead. Except when the German managing director of Aston Martin tries to say 'vanquish'.

In the olden days it was easy to make a television work.You plugged an aerial cable into the back, then bashed the top with your fist until, eventually, Hughie Green stopped jumping up and down.

This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.

We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging.

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

No, no, no. There's no such thing as cheap and cheerful. It's cheap and nasty & expensive and cheerful.

When you've finished using a car, put the f***ing seat back, so humans can use it afterwards.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what BEING STABBED?

It's just thinking of funny things that will amuse us and entertain us and we'll come and do it.