Quotes from Bill Watterson

Calvin: Dear Santa, before I submit life to your scrutiny, I demand to know who made YOU the matter of my fate?! Who are YOU to question my behavior, HUH??? What gives you the right?! Hobbes: Santa makes the toys, so he gets to decide who to give them to. Calvin: Oh.

I suppose it will all make sense when we grow up.

There are few things less comforting than a tiger who's been up too late.

My book is called, Shut Up And Stop Whining: How To Do Something With Your Life Besides Think About Yourself.

Don't look into car headlights and freeze, because you'll either get run over or shot!

Instead of asking what's wrong with rampant consumerism, we ought to be asking, 'What justifies it?' Popular art does not have to pander to the lowest level of intelligence and taste.

S...For Stupendous! T...For Tiger, ferocity of! U...For Underwear, Red! P...For Power, Incredible! E...For excellent physique! N...For...Um...Something..Hm, well, I'll come back to that... D...For Determination! U...For...Wait, How do you spell this? Is it I??

Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best of the choices available. Some people are idealists, standing for principle and refusing to compromise. And some people just act on any whim that enters their heads. I wonder which one YOU are. I pragmatically turn my whims into principles!

This tiger is sprawled So still and so flat, A question arises When glancing thereat. Is he asleep? to be Perfectly frank, He looks more as if He was creamed by a tank!

I'm leaking brain lubricant.

When a person pauses in mid-sentence to choose a word, that's the best time to jump in and change the subject! It's like an interception in football! You grab the others guy's idea and run the opposite way with it! The more sentences you complete, the higher your score! The idea is to block the other guy's thoughts and express your own! That's how you win! Conversations aren't contests! Ok, a point for you, but I'm still ahead.

You can take the tiger out of the jungle, but you can't take the jungle out of the tiger. The question is, how can you get the tiger back in the jungle?

Calvin the zombie searches for food. Horribly, the undead feed upon the living! ...Although, in a pinch, a PBJ will do, if you eat it messily enough.

I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.

It's a magical world, Hobbes, ol' buddy, let's go exploring!

I'm thinking of starting my own talk radio show. I'll spout simplistic opinions for hours on end, ridicule anyone who disagrees with me, and generally foster divisiveness, cynicism, and a lower level of public dialog!

The best proof of extraterrestrial intelligence is that they haven't contacted us.

Susie: Hi Calvin! Aren't you excited about going to school? Look at all these great school supplies I got! I love having new notebooks and stuff! Calvin:All I've got to say is they're not making me learn any foreign languages. If English is good enough for me, then by golly, it's good enough for the rest of the world! Everyone should just speak English or shut up, that's what I say! Susie: You should maybe check the chemical content of your breakfast cereal.

Dad says that the anticipation of having something is often more fun than actually having it - Calvin

Cigars are all the rage, dad. You should smoke cigars! - Calvin Flatulence could be all the rage, but it would still be disgusting. - Calvin's mom

Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.

Today for show & tell, I've brought in some flash cards I made. Each card has a letter followed by several dashes. When I show the card, you yell out the vulgar, obscene or blasphemous word they stand for! …Ready? …She's such a hypocrite about building vocabulary.

When you look into infinity, you realize there are more important things than what people do all day.

Calvin: If you could wish for anything, what would it be? Hobbes: A big sunny field to be in. Calvin: A STUPID FIELD?! You've got that now! Think BIG! Riches! Power! Pretend you could have ANYTHING! ... Calvin: Actually, its hard to argue with someone who looks so happy. Hobbes: Z