Quotes from Bill Watterson

How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food and beer conglomerates. Who'd have ever guessed product consumption, popular entertainment and spirituality would mix so harmoniously. It's a beautiful world, all right.

Maybe we can eventually make language a complete impediment to understanding.

I'm only civil because I don't know any swear words.

Quick! To the Bat-Fax!

CALVIN, yelling: I don't wanna take a bath. I HATE taking baths. CALVIN, screaming: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa CALVIN, being aggressively carried upstairs by Mom: NO NO NO NO NO no NO no NO NO no no no NO NO NO NO no NO no CALVIN, now in the bathtub, grinning: They can make me do it, but they can't make me do it with dignity.

I cut out construction paper feathers and taped them on my arms so I can fly! Pretty neat, huh?

Day says the anticipation of having something is often more fun than actually having it.- Calvin

There's never enough time to do all the nothing I want.

Any kid that never fantasized about blowing up his school never really went there.

CALVIN: Look, Hobbes, I got a magic carpet. HOBBES: What's so magic about it? CALVIN: Magic carpets FLY! You can ride them. HOBBES: Isn't this the rug from the hallway? CALVIN: Up, Rug! Up! Up! CALVIN: Hey, Look! It works! Ok, rug, warp factor five. HOBBES: Is this legal? Do you have your registration and proof of insurance?

CALVIN: The problem with rock'n'roll is that the generation that created it is now the establishment. Rock pretends it's still rebellious with its video posturing, but who believes it? The stars are 45-year-old zillionaires or they endorse soft drinks! The Revolution is a capitalist industry! Give me a break. Fortunately, I've found some protest music for TODAY'S youth! This stuff really offends Mom and Dad! HOBBES: Easy-listening Muzak? CALVIN: I play it real quiet, too. [Page 40]

Imagination is not always appreciated.

CALVIN: Our country was founded a very long time ago, roughly around 200 B.C. TEACHER: (Glowering): 200 B.C.? CALVIN: Before Calvin. CALVIN: (Now sitting in the corner, wearing a dunce cap) That's what's IMPORTANT!

Their textbooks would show me in grim illustration, The most hideous thing even seen in creation! The museum would commission a model in plaster Of ME, to be called, Evolution's Disaster!

Hobbes: UGH! something under the bed is drooling. Calvin: Start tying the sheets. We'll go out the window.

Calvin sees the landline telephone ringing. He picks up the receiver. CALVIN: Hello THE VOICE OF THE CALLER: May I speak with your father, please? CALVIN: Heck, you don't need MY permisson! Be my guest! CALVIN, turning his back on the phone. He hangs up. Then he sneers: What a weirdo. THE LANDLINE TELPHONE: Ring, Ring

Calvin: «Mom says death is as natural as birth, and it's all part of the life cycle. She says we don't really understand it, but there are many things we don't understand, and we just have to do the best we can with the knowledge we have. I guess that makes sense. ...But don't you go anywhere.» Hobbes: «Don't worry.»

Both Calvin and Hobbes are sitting on a carpet, a magic carpet. They're riding in the sky, among the clouds. CALVIN: Hey, let's fly into the city and buzz Dad's office. CALVIN: Ha! Won't he be surprised whenhe sees US out his 20th-floor window. HOBBES: What if he's mad that we took the hallway rug? CALVIN: What's to get mad about? We wiped our feet first. HOBBES: Yeah, but all this city mileage may hurt the resale value.

CALVIN: I don't WANNA take a bath! I don't WANNA take a bath! You can't make me! CALVIN (As mom carries him to the tub): Aghh! Leggo! Leggo!! No No No No No No No! Put me down! CALVIN (Now in the tub): I wish I was dead! I hate you all! I hate everything. AARRGGHHH! MOM (Dripping wet. Talking to her husband.): Whenever I hear about people trying to rediscover the child within, I want to scream.

While Calvin is in the classroom TEACHER: Yes, Calvin? CALVIN: Miss Wormwood, I'm a fierce advocate of the separation of church and state. CALVIN: Nevertheless, I feel the need for spiritual guidance and comfort as I face the day's struggles. CALVIN: So I was wondering if I could strip down, smear myself withg paste, and set fire to this little effigy of you in a non-denominational sort of way. CALVIN (After being sent to the Principal's office): Boy, what a touchy subject!

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Yep, Christmas is around the corner. And what better way to celebrate a religious holiday than with a month of frenzied consumerism.

Calvin's Mom walks in on him. On the carpet he's been smashing rocks with a baseball bat. Mom freaks out. MOM: What on earth would make you DO something like that? CALVIN: Poor genetic material? Mom slaps her head with one hand; while her other hand expresses an almost uncontrollable rage. Now he's in his room, evidently in time out. CALVIN: Bad guess.

Boy, I love summer vacation. I can feel my brain beginning to atrophy already.