Quotes from Will Rogers

A king can stand people's fighting but he can't last long if people start thinking.

The United States never lost a war or won a conference.

America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but it can think of nothing to do once it gets there.

I don't know what humor is.

The only thing that can stop hair from falling ... is the floor.

AH I know is what I see in the papers.

So get a few laughs and do the best you can.

A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.

I'm not a member of any organized party, I'm a Democrat.

More men have been elected between Sundown and Sunup than ever were elected between Sunup and Sundown.

Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of money to even get beat with.

One revolution is like one cocktail, it just gets you organized for the next.

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through, if you are a crook or a martyr.

Everyone is ignorant, only on different subjects.

When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad things you did do - well, that's memoirs.

Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising, and they wouldn't have to advertise.

Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation.

We are the only nation in the world that waits till we get into a war before we start getting ready for it.

I will never joke about old soldiers who try to get to reunions to talk over the war again. To talk of old times with old friends is the greatest thing in the world.

There is two things that can disrupt business in this country. One is War, and the other is a meeting of the Federal Reserve Bank.

You can be killed just as dead in an unjustified war as you can in one protecting your own home.

If you want to know when a war might be coming, you just watch the U.S. and see when it starts cutting down on its defenses. It's the surest barometer in the world.

The French couldn't hate us any more unless we helped 'em out in another war.

Well, the disarmament conference is off to a flying start. There is nothing to prevent their succeeding now but human nature.