Quotes from Will Rogers

If you live right, death is a joke to you as far as fear is concerned.

Every land or property owner in America would be tickled to death to pay 45 per cent of his profits, if he didn't have to pay anything if he didn't make it.

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to a select few.

There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education.

The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.

The Lord so constituted everybody that no matter what color you are you require the same amount of nourishment.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.'

Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.

Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.

Some guy invented Vitamin A out of a carrot. I'll bet he can't invent a good meal out of one.

An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.

You've got to be (an) optimist to be a Democrat, and you've got to be a humorist to stay one

If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.

Many only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.

And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can say they're funny or they're terrible or they're good, or whatever, but you can just pass 'em by. But with Congress, every time they make a joke, it's a law! And every time they make a law, it's a joke!

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.