Quotes from Greg Behrendt

Two people in a relationship either grow together or apart over time.

It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.

Bored with the same type of misery over and over and over again.

I saw Aerosmith, and I was like, 'Wow, you can dress like a girl and still get girls? Hand me a scarf!'

There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

Let's call cheating what it is: a complete betrayal of trust.

He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out. Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out.

Cheating gets easier every time it's done. It's only hard the first time, when one feels the sting of morality and the guilt of betraying someone's trust.

Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.

I think probably - I think, you know, when you're first dating somebody, if they're just not that physical with you, if they don't want to make concrete plans with you, you know, if they're sort of ambiguous about where everything is going, I think that's a pretty good sign that they're not into you.

Men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It's insulting. It's frustrating. It's unfortunately the truth.

People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love.

She didn't love me that much, but she moved in with me. That's a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That's a minus.

People say get a job doing something you love. So far no one has offered to hire me to eat Whoppers with a switchblade.

I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.

The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.

This life is yours and no one else's, and if you spend your time looking at other people's pages, you'll never get anything done.

There's a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he is your boyfriend. Quit goofing around and go find him.

I don't have to edit myself. I get to be me, warts and all, and that's ultimately what people want, and to trust each other implicitly.

He's just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk. If he likes you, he'll want to see you when his judgment isn't impaired.

Turning a breakup into a break-over ... We want women to know that as bad as it can be, it can also be an opportunity to reinvent yourself.

I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes.

Social media is a really cool way to tell your story to people who are interested in hearing it. It's not getting put through the filter of a television executive who's decided you're too old to justify the expenditure.

The great thing about comedy is that the longer you've been alive, the more you have to talk about and the better you get. I've got some miles and some road savviness that some other guys don't have.