Quotes from Terry Pratchett

Tomorrow, your job is to change the world into a better place. Today, my job is to see that everyone gets there.

When Mr. Aching had worked for the old Baron, they had, as men of the world, reached a sensible arrangement, which was that Mr. Aching would do whatever the Baron asked him to do. Provided the Baron asked Mr. Aching to do what Mr. Aching wanted to do and it needed to be done.

It was one of the most ancient terrors, the one that meant that no sooner had mankind learned to walk on two legs than it dropped to its knees.

What was it they said about the gods? They wouldn't exist if there weren't people to believe in them? And that applied to everything. Reality was what went on inside people's heads.

Some people are born to command. Some people achieve command. And others have command thrust upon them ...

The Tezuman priests have a sophisticated calendar and an advanced horology, quoted Rincewind. Ah, said Eric, Good. No, said Rincewind patiently. It means time measurement. Oh.

Look, how about this? Let's pretend we've had the row and I've won. See? It saves a lot of effort.

Old terror crouched in the shadows. It was one of the most ancient terrors, the one that meant that no sooner had mankind learned to walk on two legs than it dropped to its knees. It was the terror of impermanence, the knowledge that all this would pass away, that a beautiful voice or a wonderful figure was something whose arrival you couldn't control and whose departure you couldn't delay.

He reflected briefly that someone up there was watching over him. 'Thanks a lot,' he said bitterly.

Men said things like peace in our time or an empire that will last a thousand years, and less than half a lifetime later no one even remembered who they were, let alone what they had said or where the mob had buried their ashes.

Sometimes life reaches that desperate point where the wrong thing to do has to be the right thing to do.

but William felt in his bones that you couldn't run a city on the basis of what the Watch liked. The Watch would probably like it if everyone spent their time indoors, with their hands on the table where people could see them.

He growled and stood up. "There is a knocking without," he said. "Without what?" said the Fool. "Without the door, idiot." The Fool gave him a worried look. "A knocking without a door?" he said suspiciously. "This isn't some kind of Zen, is it?

Swing, though, started in the wrong place. He didn't look around, and watch and learn, and then say, 'This is how people are, how do we deal with it?' No, he sat and thought: This is how the people ought to be, how do we change them?' And that was a good enough thought for a priest but not for a copper, because Swing's patient, pedantic way of operating had turned policing on its head.

Colon looked awkward, as if the bunched underwear of the past was tangling itself in the crotch of recollection.

Certain things have to happen before other things. Gods play games with the fates of men. But first they have to get all the pieces on the board, and look all over the place for the dice.

down below the mines and sea ooze and fake fossil bones put there by a Creator with nothing better to do than upset archeologists and give them silly ideas.

Believe it. That was the way. Never stop believing. Fool the eye, fool the brain.

They put it like that?' said Glenda, wide-eyed. 'Oh, you know the sort of thing if you read the papers a lot,' said Ponder. 'I seriously think they think that it is their job to calm people down by first of all explaining why they should be overexcited and very worried.

We thought the fireworks were marvelous," said Mort. "And I expect they'll soon be able to rebuild the outer wall.

I'd better say at the start that I don't actually believe in magic any more than I believe in astrology, because I'm a Taurean and we don't go in for all that weirdo occult stuff.

Don't get your knickers in a knot just yet, Tiff,' she said briskly. 'It won't solve anything an' will just make you walk odd.

La luz cree que viaja más deprisa que nada, pero se equivoca. Por muy rápido que vaya la luz, siempre se encuentra con que la oscuridad ha llegado antes y la está esperando.

A woman always has half an onion left over, no matter what the size of the onion, the dish or the woman