Quotes from Terry Pratchett

Agnes felt that beauty was even more likely to be in the eye of the beholder if the feet of the beholder were on something solid. At ten thousand feet up, the eye of the beholder tends to water.

On the dresser was a row of blue-and-white jars that weren't very useful for anything. They'd been left to her mother by an elderly aunt, and she was proud of them because they looked nice but were completely useless. There was little room on the farm for useless things that looked nice, so they were treasured.

OH. DRAMA. Oh, hell.

Gods play games with the fates of men. But first they have to get all the pieces on the board and look all over the place for the dice.

Well, the lion is a big ol' coward, mostly. If you want trouble, you want to tangle with the lioness. They're killers, and they hunt together. It's the same everywhere. If you want big grief, look to the ladies.

Granny Weatherwax made a great play of her independence and self-reliance. But the point about that kind of stuff was that you needed someone around to be proudly independent and self-reliant at . People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.

She reached down and picked a crab out of a bucket. As it came up it turned out that three more were hanging on to it. A crab necklace? giggled Juliet. Oh, that's crabs for you, said Verity, disentangling the ones who had hitched a ride. thick as planks, the lot of them. That's why you can keep them in a bucket wihtout a lid. Any that tries to get out gets pulled back. yes, as thick as planks.

I thought, in Nature, the defeated animal just rolls on its back in submission and that's the end of it,' said Vimes, as they clattered after the disappearing swamp dragon. 'Wouldn't work with dragons,' said Lady Ramkin. 'Some daft creature rolls on its back, you disembowel it. That's how they look at it. Almost human, really.

If they look as though they're worried, we'll move in.' 'And do what exactly?' said Polly. 'Threaten to shoot them,' said Maladict firmly. 'And if they don't believe us?' 'Then we'll threaten to shoot them in a much louder voice ,' said Maladict. 'Happy? And I hope to hell they've got some coffee!

It was always cheaper to build a new 33-MegaLith circle than upgrade an old slow one.

You're wondering whether I really would cut your throat, panted Magrat. I don't know either. Think of the fun we could have together, finding out

And don't you try to butter me up. I ain't butterable.

This is called the theory of narrative causality and it means that a story, once started, takes a shape. It picks up all the vibrations of all the other workings of that story that have ever been. This is why history keeps on repeating all the time.

Whatever you choose, your choice will mean there are two new worlds. And perhaps sometimes, on the edge of sleep, we will see the shadow of the other world. There will be no unhappy memories.

Wizards had always known that the act of observation changed the thing that was observed, and sometimes forgot that it also changed the observer too.

WITCHES ARE MATRILINEAL, said Death. THEY FIND IT MUCH EASIER TO CHANGE MEN THAN TO CHANGE NAMES.

A witch relied too much on words ever to go back on them.

Dead?' said Rincewind. In the debating chamber of his mind a dozen emotions got to their feet and started shouting. Relief was in full spate when Shock cut in on a point of order and then Bewilderment, Terror and Loss started a fight which was ended only when Shame slunk in from next door to see what all the row was about.

REMIND ME AGAIN, he said, HOW THE LITTLE HORSE-SHAPED ONES MOVE.

Barbarism? Hah! When we kills people we do it there and then, lookin' 'em in the eye, and we'd be happy to buy 'em a drink in the next world, no harm done. I never knew a barbarian who cut up people slowly in little rooms, or tortured women to make 'em look pretty, or put poison in people's grub. Civilization? If that's civilization, you can shove it where the sun don't shine!

most people don't set foot outside their own heads much.

Have you heard the saying 'The reward you get for digging holes is a bigger shovel'?

And now, because of a song, Vimes, a simple piece of music, Vimes, soft as a breath, stranger than a mountain, some very powerful states have agreed to work together to heal the problems of another autonomous state and, almost as collateral, turn some animals into people at a stroke.

He had a notebook. He took notes in it. It was always useful. And them Sybil, gods bless her, had brought him this fifteen-function imp which did so many other things, although as far as he could see at least ten of its functions consisted of apologizing for its inefficiency in the other five.