Quotes from Scott Adams

As long as there are annoying people in the world, I won't run out of material.

The human mind is a delusion generator, not a window to truth.

Scientists will eventually stop flailing around with solar power and focus their efforts on harnessing the only truly unlimited source of energy on the planet: stupidity. I predict that in the future, scientists will learn how to convert stupidity into clean fuel.

Everyone, including skeptics, will generate delusions that match their views. That is how a normal and healthy brain works. Skeptics are not exempt from self-delusion.

The marketing department uses many advanced techniques to match products and buyers in a way that maximizes profits. For example, they give away keychains.

The job isn't done until you've blamed someone for the parts that went wrong.

The world isn't fair, but as long as it's tilting in my direction, I find that there's a natural cap to my righteous indignation.

God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed-out skull for a spittoon.

Always remember that as long as other people are gullible, there's no limit to what you can achieve.

The difference between Christianity and Islam is that some people think a guy walked on water and other people think a horse can fly.

I can't memorize names and shake hands at the same time.

Stupidity is like nuclear power, it can be used for good or evil. But you still don't want to get any on you.

The basic concept of the Dilbert Principle is that the most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime.

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.

On the fourth day of telecommuting, I realized that clothes are totally unnecessary.

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.

Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto

And bring me a hard copy of the Internet so I can do some serious surfing.

Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.

The only risk of failure is promotion.

We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.

I believe everybody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string.

Technology will definitely solve all our problems, but in the process it will create brand new ones. But that's O.K. because the most you can expect from life is to get to solve better and better problems.