Quotes from Scott Adams

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.

Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.

Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.

You can change only what people know, not what they do.

When did ignorance become a point of view?

If you spend all your time arguing with people who are nuts, you'll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts.

Everybody is somebody's else's weirdo

I get mail; therefore I am.

The best things in life are silly.

I have infinite capacity to do more work as long as you don't mind that my quality approaches zero.

The source of all unhappiness is other people. As soon as you learn to think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy. - Wally's Keynote Speech

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple effect with no logical end.

The Cheesecake Factory is a great business model, but if you take your wife there for your 25th wedding anniversary, you might not reach your 26th.

Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.

The human mind is a delusion generator, not a window to trurh.

Always remember that as long as other people are gullible, there's no limit to what you can achieve.

When life gives you lemons... choke on them and die... you stupid lemon eater.

If you want success, figure out the price, then pay it. It sounds trivial and obvious, but if you unpack the idea it has extraordinary power.

Intelligence is a measure of how well you function within your level of awareness.

Always Postpone Meetings with Time-wasting Morons

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they are not there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them again.