Quotes from Steve Martin

Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.

Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do.

You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies. Steve Martin

Were they beautiful? We were all beautiful. We were in our twenties.

Yeah, well, we're all writers, aren't we? He's a writer that hasn't been published, and I'm a writer who hasn't written anything.

A girl who is willing to give every ounce of herself to someone, who could never betray her lover, who never suspects maliciousness of anyone, and whose sexuality sleeps in her, waiting to be stirred.

I have found that-- just as in real life--imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.

I have heard it said that a complicated childhood can lead to a life in the arts. I tell you this story of my father and me to let you know I am qualified to be a comedian.

Somewhere in the world is...The world's worst doctor and he could be yours.

A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.

Or is it that I think too much?

her] mind blackens. The blackness is not a thought, but if it could be pressed into a thought, if a chemical from a dropper could be dripped onto it causing its color and essence to become visible, it would take the shape of this sentence: Why does no one want me?

Why sip from a tea cup, when you can drink from the river.

Hello. I'm hello, and I'd like to say myself.

Only then does he realize what he has done to Mirabelle, how wanting a square inch of her and not all of her has damaged them both, and how he cannot justify his actions except that, well, it was life.

You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? Take them to a museum and say, 'This is art, and you can't do it.

I used to smoke marijuana. But I'll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening – or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, midevening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early midafternoon, or perhaps the late-midafternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning. . . . But never at dusk.

The self-prepared dinner is a great time killer for lonely people and as much time should be spent on it as possible.

Be undeniably good.

There are few takers for the quiet heart.

Always...no wait...never.....

With a cheery delicacy she divided my obsessions into three categories: acceptable, unacceptable, and hilarious.

Lacy was just as happy alone as with company. When she was alone, she was potential; with others she was realized.