Quotes from Eddie Izzard

"I've done your dog. It's got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs. What do you think of that?" "Fido looks a bit weird."

Charles Darwin wrote a famous book in 18 [gibberish]. And that book was an interesting book, cuz it was called "Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-You".

There's not much makeup in the army, is there? No. They only have that nighttime look, and that's a bit slapdash, isn't it?

Makeup's just crazy, anyways. Native Americans used to wear it, and it did all right for them until, uh ... well, until you killed them all, I suppose.

The bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of drama is to be truthful. You can be truthful and funny, but if you're not truthful in a drama than the audience leaves you.

If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a f**k off block of concrete!

I'm a one-man idiot.

I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.