Quotes from Kinky Friedman

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.

I'll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions.

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?

I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.

Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.

We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.

May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

He looked like an accountant or a serial-killer type. Definitely one of the service industries.

When you have a cat you assume certain responsibilities that, in a spiritual sense, transcend those of a marital or a business relationship.

Find what you like, and let it kill you

I have found that in this business, one of the most important things is sincerity. If you can fake that, you can do just about anything.

You Struggle with your Demons an you Conquer them.

It's all very well going around thinking you're a cowboy, until you run into somebody who thinks he's an Indian.

Rocky Hawkins has written a rare, fun and beautiful book. If you don't believe me, read it for yourself.

they say if you smile when you think of people who are gone, you loved them.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I held the mescal up to the light and watched the worm slide across the bottom of the bottle. A gift from a friend just back from Mexico. The worm was fat and white and somewhat dangerous looking with great hallucinogenic properties attributed to it. You were supposed to eat it and it was supposed to make you so high you would need a stepladder to scratch your ass.

I held the mescal up to the light and watched the worm slide across the bottom of the bottle.

Money may buy you a fine dog, but only love will make it wag it's tail