Quotes from Kinky Friedman

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

Now I have a cat. Well, that's not quite accurate. A cat and I have each other.

If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.

If you're lookin' for a helpin' hand, try the one at the end of your arm.

Well, I hate to be the one to take the flyswatter to Tinker Bell, but...

May the God of your choice bless you.

But the most dangerous thing in the world in the world is to run the risk of waking up one morning and realizing suddenly that all this time you've been living without really and truly living and by then it's too late. When you wake up to that kind of realization, it's too late for wishes and regrets. It's even too late to dream.

I'm going to lower the drinking age to eighteen. If you're old enough to die in Iraq, you're old enough to drink.

Politics is the only field of human endeavor where the more experience you have, the worse you get.

Every time you see a beautiful woman, just remember, somebody else got tired of her shit

The best fiction is true.

Always respect your superiors, if you have any.

A fool and his money are soon elected

Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.

I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.

In April 1933, Willie's mother, Myrle, gave birth to him in a manger somewhere along the old highway between Waco & Dallas. There were angels in attendance that night. Some of them, no doubt, flying too close to the ground:

Most people, of course, spend their lives caring about the wrong things. The worry about South Africa or Nicaragua. They spend so much time finding themselves that they lose their taxicabs. They don't see that what kind of napkin you get at a delicatessen is a matter of much significance in the world today. That's why they don't get linen

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends off on a saddle.

How hard can it be?

Never re-elect anybody

I'll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!

You never marry the person you first see 'Casablanca' with.

Finding a cat--or having a cat find you--can change your world as much as marriage, divorce, love, death, or even winning the lottery can, and sometimes more.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.