Quotes from Christopher Moore

Oh, and a huge Federal Building that looked like it was being molested by a giant steel pterodactyl, but evidently that was just the government trying to get away from their standard bomb shelter architecture to something more aesthetically appealing, especially if you liked Godzilla porn.

The measure of a man's power is the depth of his mercy.

One day I was telling him that I thought that cars had replaced guns as phallic symbols for American men, and I thought it was interesting that he had one that was so small and fast. The next day he gave me the Datsun and went out and bought a Lincoln.

Multiple Personality Barbie. She's elegant, she's fashionable, and she's the reason that Ken has no genitals! Have fun, but remember to hide the sharp stuff!

Okay, you make eating hos sound pretty. talk poetry to me, writer boy.*

Y'all got to love something. Y'all got to hate something. Y'all got to want something. Pissing on other people's passion 'cause you trying to be cool just make you a coward—a

Amy called the whale punkin.

if you do your job and assume that everyone else is incompetent, you will seldom be disappointed.

Do not seek death. Death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment. —Dag Hammarskjöld

Given the choice between grabbing a strange tongue and watching a monster poop into a giant snail shell, the face retreats and slams the door behind it

In business, as in politics, the public is ever so tolerant of those who slime.

Nobody likes a dead whore.

He had tapped into the Zen of ignorance, the enlightenment of absurdity.

Maybe life is just easier if you're a little goofy...

I like big butts," Renoir explained to Toulouse-Lautrec.

She glanced over her shoulder to look at the forty-foot cabin cruiser where Captain Tarwater posed on the bow looking like an advertisement for a particularly rigid laundry detergent - Bumstick Go-Be-Bright, perhaps

You love your wars for the coffers, but for the warrior and the widow, the orphan and the owned, you've not two dry fucks to give.

Your soul may be more evolved than you are right now. If a kid fails tenth grade, do you make him repeat grades K through nine?" "No, I guess not." "No, you just make him start over at the beginning of tenth grade. Well, it's the same with souls. They only ascend. A person gets a soul when they can carry it to the next level, when they are ready to learn the next lesson.

Earth was totally unprepared for an enemy made of meat.

These dogs are not fighting. Yes they are. Like the paintings we saw in the Louvre, said Lucien. Gecko-Roman wrestling Father called it. Ah, of course, said Pissarro, as if it had become clear. Yes, Gecko-Roman dog wrestling. Superb! I presume you haven't shown your wrestling dogs to Madame Lessard, then.

Rivera rubbed his temples. Satan told you to do it? he said wearily. No. Elvis? I told you, it's supernatural.

The fool's number is zero, but that's because he represents the infinite possibility of all things. He may become anything. See, he carries all of his possessions in a bundle on his back. He is ready for anything, to go anywhere, to become whatever he needs to be. Don't count out the fool, Pocket, simply because his number is zero.

Mankind, I suppose, is designed to run on—to be motivated by—temptation. If progress is a virtue then this is our greatest gift. (For what is curiosity if not intellectual temptation? And what progress is there without curiosity?)

Every guy can basically be boiled down to what he wants and what he's afraid of.