Quotes from Christopher Moore

I love you above all things, even pie.

Not unlike the toaster, I control darkness.

She's so small, yet she contains so much evil.

Love needs room to grow. Like a rose. Or a tumor.

There's a fine edge to new grief, it severs nerves, disconnects reality--there's mercy in a sharp blade. Only with time, as the edge wears, does the real ache begin.

Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There's no such place.

I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores.

Boredom can be a lethal thing on a small island.

You think you know how this story is going to end, but you don't.

Science, you don't know, looks like magic.

Only cops and vampires have to have an invitation to enter.

Josh: "What is this thing?" Gasper: "It's a Yeti. An abominable snowman." Biff: "This is what happens when you fuck a sheep?" Josh: "Not an abomination, abominable.

The problem with being nuts, she thought, is that you don't always feel as if you're nuts. Sometimes, in fact, you feel perfectly sane, and there just happens to be a trailer-shaped dragon crouching in the lot next door.

The music coming from inside sounded like robots fucking. And complaining about it. In rhythmic monotone. European robots.

Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.

You know, a vampire book is not a book to be the vehicle for big themes and stuff, where sometimes when you're dealing with art or the life of Christ or the oeuvre of Shakespeare, you know, it's a little more ambitious.

Everything in Venice is just a little bit creepy, as much as it's beautiful.

I'm not afraid of getting into a subject I don't know much about.

Actually, orcas aren't quite as complex as scientists imagine. Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.

When I teach seminars, I tell people, Your stuff has to look like something thats out there, because otherwise nobody will take a chance on you.

Hope is merely another face of desire.

This story is not and never was meant to challenge anyone's faith; however, if one's faith can be shaken by stories in a humorous novel, one may have a bit more praying to do.

Devil's Food?" You can only eat so much white cake, my friend.