Quotes from Christopher Moore

Chet looked like a big-eyed, potbellied, protohuman in fur-lined, duct-tape space boots - the feline love child of Gollum and Dobby the house-elf.

When he walked into Cookie's, everyone shouted, Happy New Year, and he found a bit of a smile had been hiding somewhere way back in his heart.

Drool has sprouted an erection. Let's ask him what he's thinking about. Had his way with a knotted oak on the way here. A right spectacular tree-shagging it was, too. Knocked down enough acorns to feed the village for a week. They wanted to have a special feast day in honor of the git—declare him god of the tree-shag—more fertility symbols there than you can shake a stick at, innit?

El típico vn, vestidito negro: el equivalente indumentario de las armas nucleares.

And in retrospect, the flannel shirt may have been a mistake. He looked like he'd shown up at the sacrificial mass of the damned ready to fix the dishwasher.

Clay desperately resisted the urge to grab up cameras and start blasting film or digital video. It felt like he had to pee, really badly, from his eyes.

Hey, Barry, climb off, motherfucker, I'm up next, then it's Jeff's turn. I put it on the board. Blue, don't let him do that to your ear, baby, you won't hear for a month.

There's too much day when you get up in the morning,' Moo Shoes whined. 'How do they do it? Citizens?' 'Suckers,' I said. 'You notice everyone is in a really foul mood in the morning? I don't recommend it.

Qué coño, seguro que hasta hay monjas de alguna orden dispuestas a echarte un polvo por simple caridad. O como acto de penitencia.

Tommy had been dealing with more than a few adjustments since he'd come west from his hometown of Incontinence, Indiana—not the least of which had been finding a girlfriend, who, while smart, sexy, and quick-witted, drank his blood and tended to fall unconscious at the exact moment of sunrise.

Well, you know, she was winded for a few minutes from kicking your ass, but she is just a little girl." The

Not our problem. We don't have a dead blue hooker in our apartment.

You tell soldiers what they need to hear to go to war. Bitches need a mission, not a goal.

I hope you are not here to ask me to do my bawdy business- the monkey has a nosebleed and the circus, sir, is closed.

Die Behauptung, daß Effrom nicht besonders gut kochen konnte, war eine Untertreibung von ähnlichem Kaliber wie die Feststellung, daß es sich bei Völkermord um eine nicht besonders erfolgversprechende PR-Strategie handele.

Du hast Heiden vernichtet? Ich dachte, die Erdgeister seien wohlgesinnt.« »Jeder hat mal Aussetzer.

Das Leben war Handeln, es gab keinen Frieden diesseits des Grabes.

Toda libertad que puede ser concedida, también puede ser suprimida.

I have nothing, so I am slave to nothing. I have nothing to do, so nothing makes me its slave.

Das Prinzip Moral verstehe ich nicht.« »Das überrascht mich nicht im geringsten.«

Dancing?, ventured Portia. I do so prefer dancing to suffering, don't you, Nerissa? You speak as if one must choose one over another. For every gentleman who has turned you around a ballroom can attest, dancing and suffering can be partners in step.

Oh, not tonight, good Iago," said Cassio. "I have poor and unhappy brains for drinking. I wish courtesy would invent some other custom of entertainment.

doch ihre Gegenwart hatte in ihm stets das Gefühl ausgelöst, daß seine eheliche Treue lediglich eine absurde Wahnvorstellung war.

What if he isn't really the last of his kind, but the first of ours?