Quotes from Christopher Moore

But there was no gangrene or amputations like the doctors threatened, and we got a B, so I don't see what all the noise and counseling was about. Anyway

You've always been broken, love, it's the crux of your character.

Sie kam im schlichten Morgenmantel zur Tür, mit zerzausten Haaren und dem ungenierten Gähnen eines Menschen, der sich gezwungenermaßen mit einem Geisteskranken auseinandersetzen muss, welcher unerklärlicherweise den Morgen als Beginn seines Tages betrachtet, statt – wie es rechtens wäre – als dessen Ende

Justice favors the favored sons.

Alpha Males may lead the armies of the world, but it's the Betas who actually get the shit blowed up.

Change," Joshua said. "A Messiah has to bring change. Change comes through action. Balthasar once said to me, 'There's no such thing as a conservative hero.' He was wise, that old man.

And then I see that the old vampyre is charred like Wile E. Coyote after a bad rocket shoes test.

TWENTY-ONE TWENTY-TWO

Every time a supermodel divorces her rock-star husband, the Beta Male secretly rejoices (or more accurately, feels great waves of unjustified hope), and every time a beautiful movie star marries, the Beta Male experiences a sense of lost opportunity. The entire city of Las Vegas—plastic opulence, treasure for the taking, vulgar towers, and cocktail waitresses with improbable breasts—is built on the self-delusion of the Beta Male.

Night crawled across the desert sky like a black cat with phosphorus dandruff.

I have loved them all, with all my heart, and have learned many of their names.

Chrysler and stood him up behind the Ford, where

Have you never met anyone who works in a record store? There's no greater repository of unjustified arrogance in the world. I'd poison my employees if I thought I could find replacements.

Pondering is a little like considering and a little like thinking, but looser. To ponder, one must let the facts roll around the rim of the mind's roulette wheel, coming to settle in whichever slot they feel pulled to.

She looked like she was being towed through the store by two submarines," said Simon. "Major hooters," said Troy Lee. "Major-league hooters." Tommy said, "Can't you guys see more in a woman than T and A?" "Nope," said Troy. "No way," said Simon.

It's a note. Let me read it for you. 'Couldn't anyone else see that they were all slaves of Satan? I had to cleanse the world of their evil. I am the hand of God. Why else would security have let me into the building with an assault rifle in my suitcase? I am a divine instrument.'" Tommy paused and looked up. "That's all I have so far, but I'll guess I end it with an apology to my mom. What do you think?

We have an arrangement," said I. "And further slaughter of my cohorts will cause me to doubt your sincerity.

Outside the bedroom Jane fumbled around and in her purse and produced a pack of cigarettes, but couldn't figure out whether to smoke one or not. "Holy Motown Jesus with Pips, what the fuck is going on in there?

Beta Male gene has survived not by meeting and overcoming adversity, but by anticipating and avoiding it.

To say that Effrom was not a particularly good cook was an understatement akin to saying that genocide is not a particularly effective public relations strategy.

The martial arts would not be developed by Buddhist monks until after that, but to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, What if Jesus had known kung fu?

Othello, you must, with fearful vigor and utmost alacrity, marry this bitch.

la Ruta de la Seda, que no estaba hecha de seda y que, en realidad, no era sino un sendero estrecho que se abría paso a través de un paisaje desértico, inhóspito y elevado que corresponde a lo que hoy es Siria, y se dirigía a un paisaje desértico, inhóspito y bajo que corresponde a lo que hoy es Irak.

The loft looked as if someone had thrown a hand grenade into the middle of a teddy-bear orgy and the only survivors had had their fur blown off.