Quotes from Christopher Moore

Perhaps I'll call it Luncheon on the Grass, then," said Manet. "Since I've clearly forgotten to paint the model wet enough.

CHORUS: And so, while the fool slept the sleep of the dead, the beautiful Jewess snipped off the tip of his willy.

Non stava cercando la perfezione, solo qualcuno che lo facesse sentire abbastanza sicuro da mostrarsi insicuro accanto a lei.

Quoi?" she had said, in perfect fucking French.

In that second I felt as if a frozen dagger had been dragged over my spine.

they can tell you are a psychokiller

So I like slept till eleven, because we're on Christmas break, only it's called winter break now because Jesus is AN OPPRESSIVE ZOMBIE BASTARD AND WE DO NOT BOW DOWN TO HIS BIRTHDAY! At least not at Allen Ginsberg High School, we don't. (Go, Fighting Beatniks!) But it's all good, 'cause I'm going to have to get used to getting up later if I'm going to be a creature of the night.

I don't read reviews if I know in advance they're negative, because I can't have my confidence undermined when I'm writing.

I've sort of made a reputation by high-stepping my way out of genre. As soon as somebody says, 'He does this,' I'm not standing there anymore.

Anger is the spirits telling you that you are alive.

Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him....

It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.

If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.

People, generally, suck.

If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.

Children see magic because they look for it.

Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him....

Stephenie Meyer: Her vampires are sparkly, which I think we can all agree is wrong.

It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.

Don't be ridiculous, Charlie, people love the parents who beat their kids in department stores. It's the ones who just let their kids wreak havoc that everybody hates.

There's some heinous fuckery goin' on mon.

Love: the sickest of Irony's sick jokes. The place where logic and order go to die.

That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.

If you have come to these pages for laughter, may you find it. If you are here to be offended, may your ire rise and your blood boil. If you seek an adventure, may this song sing you away to blissful escape. If you need to test or confirm your beliefs, may you reach comfortable conclusions. All books reveal perfection, by what they are or what they are not. May you find that which you seek, in these pages or outside them. May you find perfection, and know it by name.