Quotes from Christopher Moore

A Beta Male is trustworthy: your girlfriend is generally in safe hands with a Beta Male friend, unless, of course, she is a complete slut.

was right, it wasn't his mother. "I

Speaking truth to power is a noble endeavor but of limited utility if one's head is in a basket.

Cavuto threw his arms in the air. Well, sweet Tidy Bowl Jesus skipping on the blue toilet water, we wouldn't want it to get fucking weird, would we?

Here, dear, let's try some of this blush to bring up those cheekbones. It's called American Rust, it emulates the color of a '63 Rambler that has been driven on salted roads. Very winter.

If it be not destiny, then surely there is plausible deniability, which in the parlance of politics is the same thing.

A man attacked me, choked me, bit my neck, burned my hand, then stuffed my shirt full of money and put a dumpster on me and now I can see heat and hear fog. I've won Satan's lottery.

This is why we send youth to war: spotty lads possessed of passion but void of purpose will cleave to the most slippery species of bullshit.

Protect and served, lunch—SFPD motto.

Charlie said, "Mr. Mainheart was pretty broken up." "Well, I guess so," Lily said. "He married a complete fucktard.

a chamomile chaser to Jane's vodka and sarcasm shooter.

I confess, a wall of worry rises for even the most confident fool when he realizes that his plot for saving the day lies with three squirrels, a troupe of earnest nitwits, a donkey-headed weaver, a silver-thirsty goblin, a notoriously unreliable narrator, and a hat-shagging monkey.

what kind of sociopathic fuck-weasel would do all the puzzles in Highlights in pen.

So, there on the front step, he decided to go with total hysteria. He started breathing hard, pumping up some tears, got a good whimpering sob going, then opened the door with a dieseling back sniffle. He fell onto the welcome mat and let loose with a full fire-truck-siren wail.

will smack that bitch up and take her bag of quarters! I will not be fucked with!

Eu sonho com sangue, com uma solidão tão vazia que nem o eco sobreviveria nela e acordo a gritar, ensopado no meu próprio suor, e mesmo depois de acordar a sensação solidão mantém-se durante algum tempo.

We'd been adrift for eight days when the ninny tried to eat the monkey.

what do you bring to this enterprise to justify a third of the profits?" "Will," said Iago.

Ninety-five percent of all the species that have ever existed are now extinct, so don't look so goddamn smug.

fármacos y el perdón pueden convertir el morir en un momento gozoso:

Don't be ridiculous, Charlie, people love the parents who beat their kids in department stores. It's the ones who just let their kids wreak havoc that everybody hates.

It's hard for me, a Jew, to stay in the moment. Without the past, where is the guilt? And without the future, where is the dread? And without guilt and dread, who am I?

God is willing to forgive you the sin that you carry for being a child of man, but you must forgive yourself for having once been a child.

You don't have to tell him anything, Asher,' Lily said, obviously renewing her loyalty in spite of his douche wafflosity.