Quotes from Christopher Moore

Minty? Your name is Minty Fresh?

What does the Tao value above all else?" "Compassion? Those other two jewel things?" "No, inaction. Contemplation. Steadiness. Conservatism. A wall is the defense of a country that values inaction. But a wall imprisons the people of a country as much as it protects them. That's why Balthasar had us go this way. He wanted me to see the error in the Tao. One can't be free without action.

Nobody's perfect…. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him. ANONYMOUS

We've been tagged twice by that Bruce Mate guy from Oregon State. That guy's a menace. Probably has a satellite tag on his wife to track her trips to the can.

If I live through this, she thought, I'm going to save a fortune on utilities.

Flood legó al mundo una estela de libros magníficos y de corazones rotos, y aunque es bien sabido que el amor de su vida fue también su perdición, nunca se arrepintió de ello, como demuestra su discurso de aceptación del premio Nobel: «He seguido a mi pene al infierno y he vuelto para contarlo».

You guys had a good run. You can't expect her to lose her sense of judgment forever. You know, Theo, every now and then Eraserhead will hook up with Tinker Bell, or Sling Blade Carl will marry Lara Croft—that sort of thing gives us hope—but you can't count on it. You can't bet that way. Why, guys like us would always be alone if some women didn't have a deep-seated streak of self-destruction, isn't that right, Professor?

It kept him from reaching that place that he hit so, so often in his life, the mind-bending, sob-inducing limit where he said to himself, I just cannot endure any more motherfucking death. No more! Order. Put everything in order. Serve order. That was the why and what of it. Order.

All men are evil, that's what I was talking to my father about." "What did he say?" "Fuck 'em.

The great Greek hero Theseus fluttered his fingers like a flustered dowager feeling dog breath on her naughty bits. "Oh my, no," said

The world is led by Alpha Males, but the machinery of the world turns on the bearings of the Beta Male.

Oh, Bassanio is so handsome." "As is his friend." "Do you fancy him?" "Do you jest? I was lucky not to be sliding on the slippery floor next to you." "That is not why I slipped.

I said," said Lear, "most pernicious monstress, perfect in her perfidy!" Kent mimed a set of generous bosoms on himself and raised an eyebrow as if to ask, "Boobs?" I shrugged as if to say, "Aye, boobs sounds right." "Aye, most pernicious perfidy indeed, sire," said I. "Aye, most bouncy and jiggling perfidy,"3 said Kent.

She wasn't afraid, so she didn't resist. All fear comes from trying to see the future, Biff. If you know what is coming, you aren't afraid.

No matter where he went in the City, there was an odoriferous mix of food and vehicles, like the alchemic concoctions of some mad gourmet mechanic: Kung Pao Saab Turbo, Buick Skylark Carbonara, Sweet-and-Sour Metro Bus, Honda Bolognese with Burning Clutch Sauce.

I've known him for seventy years. I'll vouch for his lack of character

Style can't be denied, Lemon. That's the difference between you and me: you a slave to fashion and I'm a sultan of style.

Audrey felt herself blush again and suddenly, and for no reason she could think, thought of poor Lizzie from Pride and Prejudice, and then remembered how she also felt that Lizzie, nay, all of the Bennet women, in fact, all of the characters in P&P could have benefited from a good roundhouse kick to the head

El pecado de Onán. Derramar en el suelo la vieja semilla. Atar el camello. Quitarle el polvo al burro. Azotar al fariseo. Onanismo, el pecado que requiere de cientos de horas de práctica para ser dominado, o al menos eso era lo que yo me decía a mí mismo. Dios mató a Onán por derramar su semilla en el suelo (la semilla de Onán, no la de Dios).

It would just be fitting that the only man who would deign to talk to me is a hat-shagging monkey." She leaned in closely. "You, sir, have the look of a hat shagger.

antes de que el capitán empezara a contarle que había jodido en un jardín, con un delfín, en un cajón, con un ratón…

Si tuvierais más dioses, no os preocuparía tanto que se enfadara solo uno.

When you sit, sit. When you breathe, breathe. When you eat, eat

Splendid," said the Emperor, without a hint of sarcasm. "I believe we've achieved a new level of doomed."   Y