Quotes from Christopher Moore

Theo looked over at Gabe's ex-girlfriend, considered the heels, the stockings, the makeup, the hair, the lines of her suit, her nose, her hips, and felt like he was looking at a sports car that he could not afford, would not know how to drive, and he could only envision himself entangled in the wreckage of, wrapped around a telephone pole.

This woman could break my heart. I could crash and burn on this woman. I could lose this woman, drink heavily, write profound poems, and die in the gutter of tuberculosis over this woman.

inaction. Contemplation. Steadiness. Conservatism. A wall is the defense of a country that values inaction. But a wall imprisons the people of a country as much as it protects them. That's why Balthasar had us go this way. He wanted me to see the error in the Tao. One can't be free without action.

Si crees que todo el mundo está bien de la azotea es que no conoces a la gente que te rodea. La clave, y esto es muy relevante en nuestro caso, es encontrar a alguien cuya locura encaje con la tuya.

Why, I'll bet my uncle Davey could take you out in the first round, ya macaroon.

cuanto antes confiesas tus errores, antes puedes irte a cometer más.

You do what you think you need to, but pain travels pretty well.

accepting death folds the soul, tempers and layers it like a Damascus blade. When I'd thrown myself into the canal in grief, only to be pulled out by the Moor, I'd become colder, more durable.

Last time I really got to know myself it turned out there was a whole gang of bitches in there to deal with. I felt like the receptionist at a rehab center.

In my time we had very few words, perhaps a hundred that we used all the time, and thirty of them were synonyms for guilt.

no somos más que políticos: vociferantes putas de la retórica. Lazarus

there's sort of a progression going back to the fifties: Bubbles, Boom Boom, and Blaze begat Bambi, Candy, and Jewel, who begat Sunshine, Brandy, and Cinnamon, who begat Amber, Brittany, and Brie, who begat Reagan, Morgan, and Madison. Madison is a stripper name.

once brought a frog home, hoping to keep him as a pet. Not a large frog, a one-handed frog, quiet and well mannered. My mother made me release him, then cleanse myself in the immersion pool (the mikveh) at the synagogue. Still she wouldn't let me in the house until after sunset because I was unclean.

A theory has no better time than when it's lying there naked, pure, unsullied by facts.

Is "ho" always feminine, and "muthafucka" always masculine, while "bitch" can be either? How

the monks called it Jew-dô, meaning the way of the Jew.

Beta Males make excellent spies. Not the "James Bond, Aston Martin with missiles, boning the beautiful Russian rocket scientist on an ermineskin bedspread" sort of spy—more the "bad comb-over, deep-cover bureaucrat fishing coffee-sodden documents out of a Dumpster" spy.

La voce di Jake si perdeva come il suono di un kazoo nella galleria del vento.

La ironía puede ser espontánea, mientras que para el sarcasmo hace falta voluntad. El sarcasmo hay que crearlo.

Il mattino dopo, il primo pensiero di Tuck fu: Ho un aereo da prendere. Il secondo: ho il cazzo rotto. Succede. Hai un'irritazione intima - emorroidi, crampi mestruali, malattie veneree, la vescica infiammata - e per quanto provi a sfuggirne l'attrazione gravitazionale, la mente si ritrova imprigionata nell'orbita del pensiero circolare. Se qualcosa riesce a distrarti dall'irritazione, è un'altra irritazione. La vita è un'irritazione.

los chinos pasan de la Navidad porque es una historia sin dragones ni petardos.

I grew up under Roman rule, although I didn't see many Romans until I was ten. The Romans mostly stayed in the fortress city of Sepphoris, an hour's walk north of Nazareth. That's when Joshua and I saw a Roman soldier murdered, but I'm getting ahead of myself. For now, assume that the soldier is safe and sound and happy wearing a broom on his head.

La febbre aveva catapultato Tucker Case in un sogno nel quale veniva gettato in mezzo a grandi onde elastiche di demoni dalle ali di pipistrello - sbriciolato, soffocato, morso e graffiato - e là, nel caos, vedeva con la coda dell'occhio un foglietto rosa di ammorbidente, a riprova del fatto che lo avevavno sbattuto nel cestello di una lavatrice infernale.

Ma la smetteva o no di fare il difficile? «Senti, Darwin, stanotte i dinosauri non scopano di sicuro, Scegli con chi stare».