Quotes from Christopher Moore

Like the saber-toothed tiger's fangs, or the Alpha Male's testosterone, there's just more Beta Male imagination than can really be put to good use. Consequently, a lot of Beta Males become hypochondriacs, neurotics, paranoids, or develop an addiction to porn or video games.

inaction. Contemplation. Steadiness. Conservatism. A wall is the defense of a country that values inaction. But a wall imprisons the people of a country as much as it protects them.

Change comes through action. Balthasar once said to me, "There's no such thing as a conservative hero.

down bummer, Charlie said. just chill. he didn't know if chill was an official dog command, but it should be.

By the way, his name was Joshua. Jesus is the Greek translation of the Hebrew Yeshua, which is Joshua. Christ is not a last name. It's the Greek for messiah, a Hebrew word meaning anointed. I have no idea what the "H" in Jesus H. Christ stood for. It's one of the things I should have asked him. Me? I am Levi who is called Biff. No middle initial. Joshua was my best friend.

The powerful hold nothing but contempt for those who toady to them, all but the toadies know this.

Pues no te la mojes, Pedro. Ven conmigo. Camina sobre las aguas.

Por favor, por el amor de Dios, pon fin a este sufrimiento y fóllame o mátame!

It's as if Joshua springs forth full grown from the head of Zeus. (Okay, bad metaphor, but you know what I mean.)

You lie, it takes forty years to get to Egypt." "Not anymore, it's closer now.

Life is messy. People, generally, suck.

When you sit, sit. When you breathe, breathe. When you eat, eat," Gaspar would say, meaning that every bit of our being was to be in the moment, completely aware of the now, no past, no future, nothing dividing us from everything that is. It's hard for me, a Jew, to stay in the moment. Without the past, where is the guilt? And without the future, where is the dread? And without guilt and dread, who am I?

It's a yeti," said Gaspar from behind me, obviously having been roused from his trance. "An abominable snowman." "This is what happens when you fuck a sheep!?" I exclaimed. "Not an abomination," Josh said, "abominable." The yeti licked him on the cheek.

since Balthasar's fortress, stood a carved camphorwood stand on which a large codex lay open. The book was bound in brass filigreed with copper and silver, and the pages were made of a parchment finer than I had ever seen.

All fear comes from trying to see the future, Biff. If you know what is coming, you aren't afraid.

volvió hacia Clay—. Nate también era amigo mío. ¿Cuánto tiempo hace que nos conocemos? ¿Veintidós años? ¿Veintitrés? No creerás que yo haría una cosa así. —No estoy diciendo que lo hayas hecho tú personalmente. ¿En qué

but all things considered, he could go a very long time not being run over by a Volvo again and feel just dandy about it. He

I threw open the door and led my imaginary daughters outside so they could know the Sodomites… "Pleased to meet you." "Charmed, I'm sure." "Nice to meet you." "THAT'S NOT HOW IT GOES!" Joshua shouted. "You're supposed to try to break the door down, then I will smite you blind.

y más pálido que la Muerte follándose un muñeco de nieve.

Some time ago, the Luminatus, or the Great Death, who kept balance between light and darkness, ceased to be. Since then, Forces of Darkness have been trying to rise from below. You are all that stands between them and destruction of the collective soul of humanity. Try not to screw up.

fixed atop a sturdy handle of polished hickory.

You do not cause death, you do not prevent death, you are a servant of Destiny, not its agent. Get over yourself.

I really miss her. I know you do. I hate this kitchen. Right there with you, kid. The good sister, she was.

Rescued me from the darkest heart of the forest, fought off brigands, pygmies, and a brace of tigers to bring me here. But don't let him talk his Welsh at you, one tiger was vanquished in a sluice of phlegm and mortally beaten with consonants.