Quotes from Kin Hubbard

Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.

Executive: a man who makes quick decisions and is sometimes right.

Never tell the box-office man that you can't hear well or he will sell you a seat where you can't see either.

University: ... a place where rich men send their sons who have no aptitude for business.

We're all self-made men, but not very many of us have stayed on the job.

Another bad thing about "prosperity" is that you can't jingle any money without being under suspicion

Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.

Litigation: A form of hell whereby money is transferred from the pockets of the proletariat to that of lawyers.

One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.

Don't knock the weather nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.

Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil.

Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family.

There is plenty of peace in any home where the family doesn't make the mistake of trying to get together.

Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

All the world loves a good loser.

Don't a fellow feel good after he gets out of a store where he nearly bought something.

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy.

Hon Editor Cale Fluhart was a power politically fer years, but he never got prominent enough t' have his speeches garbled.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out any quicker than the Christmas spirit