Quotes from Judith Martin

But sometimes one hears an Etiquette-Buster's confession that rings true: "You make me feel guilty." I'm not going to bother, this argument goes, so we need to lower the standard so I don't look bad. On

We're talking tradition here, for heaven's sake. Not literary analysis. Do you consider "Good morning" to be a weather report?

Miss Manners has always believed that people who do not acknowledge presents are annoyed at receiving them, and she respects that preference.

Anyone who could remember the heyday of the cocktail party probably doesn't.

As dear Erasmus said, "It is part of the highest civility if, while never erring yourself, you ignore the errors of others." Besides, it is a law of nature that he who corrects others will soon do something perfectly awful himself. On

There is nothing to bring people together like a common grievance accompanied by refreshments.

when all of life is a costume party, costume parties are no longer possible.

Miss Manners' attitude is that it is better to bar the door to unwanted guests than to back them out through it.

There is no known correct way to eat pistachio nuts. Nevertheless, they are delicious. The pistachio nut must therefore be Nature's way of teaching us self-control. If so, it doesn't work.

The numbers at a dinner should not be less than the Graces, nor more than the Muses," stated the Roman formula, when guests lay three to a couch. If the Graces are busy, you could try the Fates, who are not asked out as often.

The customs of courtship vary in time, place and class. But they are always based on the desire to secure the affections of a person one believes to be too perfect to be reasonably attainable, not a person whose most conspicuous characteristic is convenience. Young

They are having their parties catered. For free.

She expects you to keep your eyes still while you say to the conductor, "Of course, I'd be glad to, but I especially wanted to sit by the window. Would you be good enough to find me another window seat? And then we could change.

writing pad that bears the logo of public accommodations.

GENTLE READER

Whenever possible, look at the camera, not at the person to whom you are talking. It represents the person to whom you are really talking: the viewer.

Nothing is as inimical to passion as the slow, sensible weighing of practicalities.

Lady" is not used before the lady's first name unless she is the daughter of a duke, marquess or earl; those who come by the title through marriage use it before the husband's name. Fortunately

How do you do?" depending on the formality of the occasion, and whether you can count on the other person to understand that the answer to "How do you do?" is "How do you do?" even though that makes two questions in a row. (Etiquette opposes any declaration of being pleased to meet someone on the cynical grounds that it may not turn out to be a pleasure.) The

Without such rules, there are no exchanges of ideas, only exchanges of set positions and insults. People who disagree rapidly move from talking over one another to shouting one another down, and from expressing their opinions on the matter at hand to expressing their opinions of the intelligence and morality of those who disagree with them.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, but I can't." "I'd love to, but I'm afraid it's impossible." "Unfortunately, I can't, but I hope you can find someone." It

There is no quick and easy way to rear a child. It takes eighteen years of constant work to get one into presentable enough shape so that a college will take him or her off your hands for the winter season, and it can easily take the child on permanently.

than many that are of no perceptible use whatever.

Any attempt to explain that they are undecided, rather than declining, should be brushed aside with the explanation that although you need to plan now, you understand that they are not in a position to accept and you wouldn't dream of pushing them.