Quotes from Judith Martin

Americans used to pity and be amused at countries where the citizens all wore drab work clothes and the leaders were belligerently under-dressed for state occasions; now those people have discovered fashion, and we wear drab work clothes and are suspicious of formality.

while eighteen-button gloves have three small pearl buttons each at the musketeer (which everyone knows is the opening at the wrist), there are, indeed, eighteen buttons on each in length. That button is a standard of measurement of approximately one inch. The approximate part is because it is a French standard of measurement.

to lure friends by offering them hospitality—the defining characteristic of which is generosity—when one is collecting money for their presence and their buying power is a scam.

Getting children to say 'Please' and 'Thank you,' directly and in writing, is one of the chief tasks of child-rearing. It is a simple matter, requiring about ten years of contant vigilance, but those who give up on it might as well—and generally do—concede failure on the entire enterprise of civilizing their young.

suddenly ceased

the chair is the correct place for you to leave your napkin if you get up in midmeal; it is at the end of the meal that it is left to the side of the plate. Parking

Your answer to when you will be available should be "You're so kind to invite us, and we wish we could name a date, but it will have to be after we figure out how to manage seeing relatives and friends whom we feel we have neglected.

you never give anything below your own taste level—something you wouldn't want, but suppose is good enough for others.

Yes, indeed. "Good morning" is an opener, and "Good day" is a closer.

Humility is easy, although Miss Manners much admires brilliant humility. The usual variety, with its claims about feeling awed and hoping to be worthy, is tiresome. But it is extremely difficult to make others acquainted with how very much one has to be humble about. No, that's not quite what Miss Manners meant to say. What is difficult is to establish gracefully that one has cause to be proud and haughty, before one can be contrastingly humble. The

new method of taxing people with their faults has not only retained but magnified its own faults. It tells only one side of the story, and a far from disinterested one. Checking it out is difficult, but passing it on is easy.

The polite thing would be to say to the noisy person, "I beg your pardon, but I can't hear the music. I wonder if you would mind talking more softly?" By the time you have said all this, a third party will utter a loud shush, thereby accomplishing your purpose without sacrificing your manners.

Nevertheless, the same rule applies as at accidents. If you cannot fulfill the need for medical or practical assistance, help fill the need for privacy. The discipline required for studying medicine is nothing compared to that needed to stifle one's curiosity. Annoying

the standing ovation from a rare and valued tribute

HIDEOUS PRESENTS DONATED BY ADULTS These should be displayed and cherished in proportion to the sacredness of the bond between giver and receiver, divided by the number of miles they live apart.

Why, you look marvelous! I don't know what it is, but you look fabulous." D

Conversation, which is supposed to be a two-way street, is treated by many people as if it were a divided highway. They may acknowledge that traffic must go in both directions, but speed independently on their own way, expecting you to do the same on your side. If

In general desirability, a child-free environment is considered somewhere between smoke-free and germ-free. Miss

you must take inedibles out the way you put them in.

It reminds her of those dreadful sorts who used to go around announcing "I'm a people person," as though one had another choice. She

Once a cad was someone who enticed a lady into consummating a promised marriage before the ceremony had taken place.

A gold digger may no longer be someone who strings gentlemen along while she works busily to get hold of their fortunes. She is more likely to be someone who strings gentlemen along because she is too busy for them while she is working to make her fortune.

the life preserver to be tossed is: "I don't think you realize how that sounds. I can't imagine that you really believe that, but in any case, let's talk about something else.

clap has too sharp a sting.