Quotes from Judith Martin

It was generally believed that what people needed to get along was love and communication skills. Even business colleagues were thought to work better if they spoke their minds and really got to know one another personally, from which affection would follow—only not too much affection, because that might be illegal.

One can become quite proficient at this amiable patter; the trick is to omit the instructive parts when attending formal dinner parties outside the house.

And you see control of your life disappearing as this catches on and people start booking your future without your consent. No, no, calm down. The "hold the date" card is not a summons, only a warning.

Fairness does not consist so much of everybody's doing the same thing, but of everybody's being willing to do something that others don't want to do.

One of the big no-nos in cyberspace is that you do not go into a social activity, a chat group or something like that, and start advertising or selling things. This etiquette rule is an attempt to separate one's social life, which should be pure enjoyment and relaxation, from the pressures of work.

My children did not go through a stage of being rude to their parents. I'm sorry if that sounds incredible.

Chaperons, even in their days of glory, were almost never able to enforce morality; what they did was to force immorality to be discreet. This is no small contribution.

A small wedding is not necessarily one to which very few people are invited. It is one to which the person you are addressing is not invited.

A wedding invitation is sent by people who have been saying, "Do we have to ask them?" to people whose first response is, "How much do you think we have to spend on them?

We already know that anonymous letters are despicable. In etiquette, as well as in law, hiring a hit man to do the job does not relieve you of responsibility.

A young lady is a female child who has just done something dreadful.

I make a distinction between manners and etiquette - manners as the principles, which are eternal and universal, etiquette as the particular rules which are arbitrary and different in different times, different situations, different cultures.

It is one of Miss Manners's great discoveries that one needn't contradict others in order to set them straight.

Dishonesty is not the only alternative to honesty. There is also the highly underrated virtue of shutting up.

When someone has tried to please you, it is rude, as well as disheartening, to respond by announcing that the effort was a failure.

There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class.

The underlying principles of manners- respect, fairness, and congeniality.

You should resolve not to seek public approval of your private business, when you are not also prepared to accept public disapproval.

Part of the skill of saying no is to shut up afterward and not babble on, offering material for an argument.

The way one was brought up isn't an excuse for rude behavior.

Generosity and gratitude are inseparably linked.

There is no etiquette rule that decrees one must give out personal information to anyone who asks.

We are all entitled to our little harmless habits, but we are not entitled to demand approval for them.

[after the death of a loved one] It is when there is nothing more to be done that the reality of the loss often hits with full force.