Quotes from Dorothy Parker

Of Orson Welles: It's like meeting God without dying.

Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!

Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.

All those writers who write about their own childhood! Gentle God, if I wrote about mine you wouldn't sit in the same room with me.

It turns out that, at social gatherings, as a source of entertainment, conviviality, and good fun, I rank somewhere between a sprig of parsley and a single ice-skate.

I know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, but in all history, which has held billions and billions of human beings, not a single one ever had a happy ending.

London is satisfied, Paris is resigned, but New York is always hopeful. Always it believes that something good is about to come off, and it must hurry to meet it.

All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

Anthologists are lazy fellows who like to spend a quiet evening at home raiding good books.

Honesty means nothing until you are tested under circumstances where you are sure you could get away with dishonesty.

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Why is it no one sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it's always just my luck to get one perfect rose.

And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the right word.

She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.

I shall stay the way I am Because I do not give a damn.

The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.

Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.

Guns aren't lawful; nooses give; gas smells awful. So you might as well live.

Woman wants monogamy; / Man delights in novelty. / Love is woman's moon and sun; / Man has other forms of fun. . . / With this the gist and sum of it, / What earthly good can come of it?

Well, there are always those who cannot distinguish between glitter and glamour . . .

Money is only congealed snow.