Quotes from P. G. Wodehouse

There's too much of that where-every-prospect-pleases-and-only-man-is-vile stuff buzzing around for my taste.

He was either a man of about a hundred and fifty who was rather young for his years, or a man of about a hundred and ten who had been aged by trouble.

Dark hair fell in a sweep over his forehead. He looked like a man who would write vers libre, as indeed he did.

He enjoys that perfect peace, that peace beyond all understanding, which comes to its maximum only to the man who has given up golf.

The only way of really finding out a man's true character is to play golf with him. In no other walk of life does the cloven hoof so quickly display itself.

In all crises of human affairs there are two broad courses open to a man. He can stay where he is or he can go elsewhere.

He felt like a man who, chasing rainbows, has had one of them suddenly turn and bite him in the leg.

Many a man may look respectable, and yet be able to hide at will behind a spiral staircase.

Woman is the unfathomable, incalculable mystery, the problem we men can never hope to solve.

Never put anything on paper, my boy, and never trust a man with a small black moustache.

I may as well tell you, here and now, that if you are going about the place thinking things pretty, you will never make a modern poet. Be poignant, man, be poignant!

A man who has spent most of his adult life trying out a series of patent medicines is always an optimist.

His whole aspect was that of a man who has unexpectedly been struck by lightning.

It is not mere technical skill that makes a man a golfer, it is the golfing soul.

It was one of the most disgusting spectacles I've ever seen-- this white-haired old man, who should have been thinking of the hereafter, standing there lying like an actor.

Hugo?' 'Millicent?' 'Is that you?' 'Yes. Is that you?' 'Yes.' Anything in the nature of misunderstanding was cleared away. It was both of them.

We must always remember, however,' said Psmith gravely, 'that poets are also God's creatures.

I remember her telling me once that rabbits were the gnomes in attendance to the Fairy Queen and that the stars were God's daisy chain. Perfect rot, of course.

A girl who bonnets a policeman with an ashcan full of bottles is obviously good wife-and-mother timber.

An apple a day, if well aimed, keeps the doctor away.

Comedy is the kindly contemplation of the incongruous.

the supply of the milk of human kindness was short by several gallons

Sudden success in golf is like the sudden acquisition of wealth. It is apt to unsettle and deteriorate the character.

Has anybody ever seen a dramatic critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good.