Quotes from P. G. Wodehouse

It's curious how, when you're in love, you yearn to go about doing acts of kindness to everybody.

To find a man's true character, play golf with him.

Hell, it is well known, has no fury like a woman who wants her tea and can't get it.

What you want, my lad, and what you're going to get are two very different things.

As a rule, from what I've observed, the American Captain of Industry doesn't do anything out of business hours. When he has put the cat out and locked up the office for the night, he just relapses into a state of coma from which he emerges only to start being a Captain of Industry again.

She had a penetrating sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel.

He looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say "when."

Why don't you get a haircut; you look like a chrysanthemum.

The butler entered the room, a solemn procession of one.

I just sit at a typewriter and curse a bit.

It has been well said that an author who expects results from a first novel is in a position similar to that of a man who drops a rose petal down the Grand Canyon of Arizona and listens for the echo.

If men's minds were like dominoes, surely his would be the double blank.

I turned on the pillow with a little moan, and at this juncture Jeeves entered with the vital oolong. I clutched at it like a drowning man at a straw hat.

Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.

Another of these strong silent men. The world is full of us.

You can't be a successful Dictator and design women's underclothing.

The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows.

I am strongly of the opinion that, after the age of twenty-one, a man ought not to be out of bed and awake at four in the morning. The hour breeds thought. At twenty-one, life being all future, it may be examined with impunity. But, at thirty, having become an uncomfortable mixture of future and past, it is a thing to be looked at only when the sun is high and the world full of warmth and optimism.

Oh, Jeeves,' I said; 'about that check suit.' Yes, sir?' Is it really a frost?' A trifle too bizarre, sir, in my opinion.' But lots of fellows have asked me who my tailor is.' Doubtless in order to avoid him, sir.' He's supposed to be one of the best men in London.' I am saying nothing against his moral character, sir.

Some minds are like soup in a poor restaurant—better left unstirred.

What do ties matter, Jeeves, at a time like this?' There is no time, sir, at which ties do not matter

Cheer up, Crips, and keep smiling. That's the thing to do. If you go through life with a smile on your face, you'll be amazed how many people will come up to you and say 'What the hell are you grinning about? What's so funny?' Make you a lot of new friends.

I suppose half the time Shakespeare just shoved down anything that came into his head.

When a girl uses six derogatory adjectives in her attempt to paint the portrait of the loved one, it means something. One may indicate a merely temporary tiff. Six is big stuff.