Quotes from P. G. Wodehouse

Whenever I have that sad, depressed feeling, I go out and kill a policeman.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

Everything in life that's any fun, as somebody wisely observed, is either immoral, illegal or fattening.

Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.

He was white and shaken, like a dry martini.

Birds, except when broiled and in the society of a cold bottle, bored him stiff.

That is life. Just one long succession of misunderstandings and rash acts and what not. Absolutely.

Her pupils were at once her salvation and her despair. They gave her the means of supporting life, but they made life hardly worth supporting.

I attribute my whole success in life to a rigid observance of the fundamental rule - Never have yourself tattooed with any woman's name, not even her initials.

Chumps always make the best husbands. All the unhappy marriages come from the husbands having brains.

So always look for the silver lining And try to find the sunny side of life.

Few of them were to be trusted within reach of a trowel and a pile of bricks.

Psmith is the only thing in my literary career which was handed to me on a plate with watercress round it, thus enabling me to avoid the blood, sweat and tears inseparable from an author's life.

However devoutly a girl may worship the man of her choice, there always comes a time when she feels an irresistible urge to haul off and let him have it in the neck.

Flowers are happy things.

He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say 'when!'

My motto is 'Love and let love' - with the one stipulation that people who love in glass-houses should breathe on the windows.

Love has had a lot of press-agenting from the oldest times; but there are higher, nobler things than love.

Success comes to a writer as a rule, so gradually that it is always something of a shock to him to look back and realize the heights to which he has climbed.

Every author really wants to have letters printed in the papers. Unable to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes novels.

I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that. Just loafed I suppose.

One of the drawbacks to life is that it contains moments when one is compelled to tell the truth.

I love writing. I never feel really comfortable unless I am either actually writing or have a story going. I could not stop writing.

His eyes were rolling in their sockets, and his face had taken on the colour and expression of a devout tomato. I could see he loved like a thousand bricks.