Quotes from Derek Landy

I've always found that ex-girlfriends with bodies are better than ex-girlfriends who are just internal organs locked away in a box somewhere. But I'm old-fashioned like that.

Do you have a weapon for me, or do you want me to beat her to death with a large stick? - Mr Bliss

I don't care how smart you are," Guild said. "Sanctuary experts have examined that bomb for decades and they still have no idea how it worked, let alone how to fix it in a single afternoon." "Of course they don't, you damn fool. They didn't build the thing in the first place, now did they?" - Kenspeckle

Aw, that's sweet, but, really, you'd never get that chance. Caelan, you're not my protector, you're not my guardian angel and you're not my boyfriend.

You haven't trained in magic or combat, but you're not weak. Serpine underestimates you. Everyone underestimates you. You're stronger than they know. You're stronger than you know." "I wish you were right." "Of course I'm right. I'm me.

I keep imagining that one of these days I'll grow up and become someone who knows what they're doing, but so far that hasn't happened.

Has it occurred to you, after all these years together, that I just might not be flappable?

Well, I don't plan on dying anytime soon, and I've got something he didn't." "And that is...?" "Your hat. Take me with you, or I'll stand on it.

It is I, and I stand with the girl, the Elemental and the partner of the skeleton detective, and although she is late she is here, which is the important thing, and we are moving on.

I have chiseled features. Look. Look how chiseled they are. And my teeth are at least as white as his. You seriously think he's good-lookin'?" "I do," said Tanith. "Right," Sanguine said and nodded. "I'm gonna kill him." She kept her laugh soft so it wouldn't travel. "I think he's good-looking, but I think you're better looking." "Oh," Sanguine said. "I mean, yeah. I am. I'm glad you noticed.

Pleasnt tilted his head curiously. "Scaramouch? Scaramouch Van Dreg? Is that you?" Scaramouch smiled nastily. "Oh yes. You have fallen into the clutches of your deadliest enemy." "What are you doing here?

We'll give you half now, you give us the gold, and then we give you the other half." "There are three babies. How do you give me half?" He shrugged. "Chop a baby in two." "You know, even for a goblin, that's disturbed.

sipping from a protein shake that had aspirations of being a milkshake, but couldn't quite make it.

Excuse me, I believe you're standing on my sword. I don't think this is entirely fair, you're angry with Skulduggery because he didn't kill Valkyrie, but you and me, we've never even met. I mean, you have no reason to attack me, if you got to know me, if you took the time, I'm sure you'd really like me. I'm a likeable girl, everyone says so - Tanith Low

Jethro, you have been a most helpful captive." "Are you... are you going to let me live?" Sanguine's grin grew wider. "Not even remotely.

Sabine pulled herself out of the water behind him, and glared up as she hung there. "You spat on me.

Sanguine took a moment, finding it hard to process the information. "He... this guy uses a wand? For real? He actually uses a wand? Like a wizard?... Don't the other Necromancers have any sense of pride? What's he gonna do next, fly around on a broomstick? This ain't Harry Potter.

Saracen Rue knows things." That's what Dexter Vex was told all those hundreds of years ago before they first met. He couldn't remember who had introduced them - Skulduggery? Ravel? Ghastly maybe - but when he'd been asked what magical discipline Saracen had chosen, he'd been assured that "Saracen Rue knows things." That was all.

You," Sanguine said, "are the worst psychic I've ever met.

Detective Harris smiled good-naturedly as he sat down. "Other Inspector?" "The one who just left." "Hmm? Who was that, then?" "Detective Inspector Me." "Detective Inspector You?" "No, Me. That's his... He said that's his name. You just passed him. He was with a girl on work experience and a boy with spiky hair." Harris blinked at him. "I didn't pass anyone, Mr Dunne, and I'm the only Detective Inspector on duty right now." Kenny stared at him. "Then... then who the hell was I just speaking to?

Do you remember what Crux said?" Scorn asked China. "I bet you do. He said that you handed Skulduggery Pleasant's wife and child over to Nefarian Serpine. He said that you led them to their deaths... Blackmail is just an ugly, ungainly word, but these are ugly and ungainly times in which we live. You will do as I say, exactly as I say, or I will tell the Skeleton Detective your terrible, terrible secret. Do you agree to my terms?

What are we going to do when we get into the temple, anyway? Are we going to fight our way through the Necromancers on our own?" "No, we're going to find a way to let our friends in, and we'll let them fight while we stand by and look smug." "I like that plan." "It has its moments.

Drive over a few of the little brats. That'll scare them off." "I... I don't think I can do that, sir... I just don't think we're capable of going that fast, sir.

I'm sorry, I'm still stuck on you losing your head. – Stephanie/Valkyrie