Quotes from Evan Esar

Age brings wisdom to some men, and to others chess.

The lazy man claims he is too heavy for light work and too light for heavy work.

Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.

All men are created equal and endowed by their Creator with a mighty urge to become otherwise.

The computer saves man a lot of guesswork, but so does the bikini.

The man who has a girl in every port is not a sailor but a wholesaler.

A man is known by the company he keeps, but a woman is known by the company she keeps waiting.

The man who avoids debt doesn't have to worry about avoiding his creditors.

Only one man has the right to boast, and that's the man who never does.

The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.

The reason why men who mind their own business succeed is that they have so little competition.

All men are born equal, but some of them outgrow it.

The difference between two men is usually a woman.

A bacteriologist is a man whose conversation always start with the germ of an idea.

The survival of the fittest is going to make some man very lonesome some day.

There is a lot of difference between the man who is not able and his brother who is notable.

A lazy man's wife is generally the power behind the drone.

The man who never has been known to pun Will groan to point out he's a judge of one.

Women diet to retain their girlish figures or their boyish husbands.

Some women get divorces on the grounds of incompatibility; others, on just the first two syllables.

Divorce has become so easy nowadays that women have stopped crying at weddings.

The three chief causes of divorce are men, women, and marriage.

Housework is what woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.