Quotes from Dov Davidoff

Man's inhumanity toward man is astounding, and I'm just talking about the lineup at certain comedy clubs.

Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.

Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.

The man I want to be could easily beat me up.

Vegas; one of the few places still encouraging men in their fifties to dress like their in a boy-band from the 80's.

Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.

Patriotism for the sake of is like choosing sides in a war based on the color of their uniforms.

All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.

Monogamy is god's way of making death seem like a more reasonable option.

Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?

I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before.

It may not be in the constitution, but every American has a god-given right to provinciality and ignorance.

I can always tell when a girl comes from a good family because she's what's known as not at all attracted to me.

You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don't feel good enough about myself to not date you.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.

I'm pretty happy for someone who struggles with happiness.

The expectation of happiness creates a lot of unhappiness.

Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.

Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.

When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk.

The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.

I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.