Quotes from Dov Davidoff

I'd find myself more interesting if I weren't with me all the time.

I'd spend more time with you if you were less like you.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.

I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away you still have the weekend.

The fabric of society is woven together by the needle of suppression and denial.

Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.

If you love sleep, you'll really enjoy death.

Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

The Middle East is America's 'champagne room'. No matter how much you spend, you will still never get what you want.

I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty.

Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.

If you spend a lot of time shopping for athletic clothes, you may want to consider spending less time thinking about high school.

Everybody wants to be more wanted, until they are.

Assassinating someone is another way of saying I care, just not in the way they'd want you to.

Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.

If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.

Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It's like a tattoo that yells at you.

Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.

Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.

America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.

Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.

Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.